Thursday, March 24, 2011

And exhale.

Totally harder than it sounds but with much prayer & being literally carried by God in the last 6 weeks, I can finally let out a HUGE sigh of relief. This week has been SO hard & I've not felt like myself AT ALL.

This was almost as funny as me thanking Jesus this morning when it was confirmed that I got my period again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, it was a tease last night & I had some slight spotting but this morning the relief was there. After a VERY long 6 weeks of waiting to heal, knowing I was ovulating (and couldn't "try") & all the crazy hormonal changes that came along with it all, I feel like I can exhale.

We are definitely going to start trying, well, once this is all done ;) lol Sorry for the TMI but it's my life, my blog & my ramblings. Not to mention, some of you have been through this & some might someday (though I pray that you never experience this) & come across this blog in googling. So I hope my sharing helps. I'm excited to move to the next phase & am prayerful that we get lucky enough to conceive again so quickly. It is in God's hands & we accept that but also truly believe that we'd not have been given a taste of parenthood if it were not meant for our future.

Hope you are all well & again, greatly appreciate the support.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Getting back to me

Creepy, eh? It's from our Orlando trip (yes, back around Halloween.) That was in an area of Horror Nights called Saws & Steam. The premise was that there was a shortage of water in the city (NY) & they were killing folks to power "the machine." We are made of a lot of water you know ;) I lurked on an Orlando forum & that guy was a member. Fun to meet him & people watch in this Scare Zone. Have I mentioned I'm terrified of chainsaws & stayed on the sidewalk in this area? They couldn't chase you there! hahaha Wuss.

So why am I sharing this? Well, that's the time that I was at my goal weight (yes, it comes to that always doesn't it?) & where I felt my best. I was comfortably wearing my 8's & just felt great about me.

I want to get back there yet my body is still fighting with me. No period yet either. I'm hopeful it's coming soon because I've had PMS for 2 weeks now (including a RIDICULOUS amount of bloat.) The scale has started creeping down again VERY slowly but I'll take it since I'm still not at 100%. Though I said I wasn't going to, I went ahead & signed up for WW online again just to have some tracking. I'm not being OCD about it but it's helping me log my choices even if I go over in "points."

I'm in the gym 3-4 days a week. I was doing cardio & started back to FB workouts but my body didn't like that. I hurt. I've taken breaks before but this time was different & my body didn't bounce back like it used to. So this week is cardio only again (& may just do that until I get my period.) I'm afraid of over-stressing my body & while I know it's a machine, I have to remmeber it's been through A LOT! I actually notice the most scale success on the days I DON'T workout (well that next morning.)

The reality? I gained 7 pounds while pregnant. I bloated 7 more when the PMS symptoms kicked in. I've now lost 2 of that so I'm on my way. My body has been through a lot so I'm trying to respect that but along the way back, I'd like to get back to where I feel my best. We plan to start trying again once we are able (just waiting for my period) & with God's blessing will conceive again quickly. If I never lose another ounce so be it. I shared with a friend that it was pretty clear that I was over-training leading up to pregnancy & while I felt good & never run down, my body responded once I had to back down.

My plan for now is just to do 3-4 days a week with FB & cardio, eat well (tracking but not being OCD) & honor my body so it's ready for baby again.

Hope you are all well. So appreciate the support that comes & while I may have lost some readers along the way from not being consistent lately, I do appreciate those that check in on me :)

Have a FABULOUS weekend & BOILER UP! ;)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa Of Calcutta

Seems fitting for not only myself but another friend (actually two) at the moment. I have been doing okay but it seems that everywhere I turn I run into a brick wall. Pregnancies everywhere, baby showers, stuff in general. A friend's husband OD'd...again. And today a very good friend called to tell me they were also unable to find their baby's heartbeat. :( My heart breaks for her. There was a group of Kevin's friends that got married in a row (we were #2.) All of us were pregnant (in reverse wedding order) then I miscarried & now the first married couple has also miscarried (she was 2 weeks behind me.)

I'm having a hard time because I still feel in limbo. I'm finally getting a negative HPT (doing them weekly as it's my only sign of dropped levels.) So I am thinking that I'm ovulating now & will start in the next 2 weeks. Fingers crossed. We'll start trying after that period.

I guess that's it. Nothing upbeat, nothing exciting, just being right now but I thought I'd update with that.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts, prayers & comments.