Saturday, May 30, 2009

Move over Martha!!!!

So I've had quite the productive Saturday! I think it's much better handled in list form. I think it looks more impressive that way! lol

*Made Kevin breakfast
*Rocked out 30 min on the stairmill & 30 min on the elliptical + ab work
*Got groceries at Walmart (TONS of fresh produce!)
*Home to drop groceries, eat & off to another store for some sale items
*Back home to drop stuff off, make Jenna's Baked Beans & head off to Kevin's to shower
*Chatted with Kevin's roommate who has a new friend *wink wink*
*Headed back to my house to run dishwasher (minus hot water), wash dishes that didnt fit & tend to a few other things

OH & I also attempted to make some Homemade Larabars but I'm not sure it was a successful attempt. They are a bit sticky so it'll take some playing to get it right but I'll take cue from Angela & try some of her recipes that are similar.

Here's what I ended up with. My apologies for the small picture.

The little taste I had was yummy though. I just used dates & peanuts with just a tad bit of soymilk.

Tonight's agenda is probably a bonfire at a friend's house. He's the third of Kevin's friends to get engaged & they are the first to marry (November.) It'll be fun to hang out with everyone!

Enjoy the rest of your day!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Pressing on!

Morning all! I have to first & foremost thank the academy! hahahaha

Not really but I do need to thank you guys for the really insightful & thought provoking comments yesterday! It really sparked my thinking & as a result I posted a little diet timeline to recap what's transpired since I decided to REALLY get healthy & take control over my life!

I realized while doing that (you'll see my sidebar note) that I had the illusion of becoming a diet jumper. That's really something that drives me nuts & mentioned it to Kevin last night. The end result of that conversation (it was a brief one) was that I'm at least trying to fix things. That's a positive right? I was really uncertain whether or not to continue with SOS because I wasnt feeling like it was working. But I am going to try for one more month then decide.

The bottom line here is that I dont want to live on a diet & continually count every morsel of food that goes into my mouth. I also dont want to feel like I'm having to force feed myself my bodyweight in protein either. BUT I have to still acknowledge that my body has been through the ringer in the last year & see what needs to be done to fix it.

That may very well be just living a healthy lifestyle which is ultimately my goal. I'm having a good dialogue with a friend via email that is working with a nutritionist & it's interesting to see what she's doing vs. what my program prescribes vs. what I've been doing on my own (which is closer to what her nutritionist is having her do.)

Last night, I made some dinner, took a cold shower (water heater still not working right) & we wandered a bit. This weekend will likely be pretty laid back since we were on the go last weekend. Kevin's not one to like to sit still so when he says he wants to do nothing then so be it!

Will catch up more later but that's the rambles for the morning. There's lots of stuff brewing in my mind but for now that'll do!

I'll leave you with this. It was the scene at my house this morning with my cat (Alex) who decided he really wanted some banana-blueberry smoothie! lol

Happy FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009


Do you ever have those moments where you aren't quite sure just how to start? I'm kind of there at the moment so if this seems uber rambly then you'll at least know why. Although those of you that know me (even virtually) understand that's how I am anyway!

Last night during cardio, my mind was wandering. That was in part due to my iPod freezing. I thought for sure it was dead but as of this morning, it's reset. It's 2 years old so it was possible that it was done for. It was used for the VERY first time ever during my second run in the Chicago Marathon. Good times!

Anyway, back to the wandering mind. You all know that I've been having little success with weight loss lately. I have been eating VERY well & not overdoing things at all. I'm really pleased about that.

I will drop a little then it goes right back up. It makes no difference if I eat very strict, track macros or just eat intuitively. That's what happens. My last drop with weight was with a VERY restrictive program that was low in carbs, very low in calories (around 1100) & caused me to have certain *ahem* issues (not pottying.)

So while busting out some cardio, I decided to remind myself of how far I've come. You see the little picture that I have on my profile. That was me when I finally sucked it up & decided to get healthy. The flexing pic was taken 4 weeks out from my first figure show. Now that's not realistic to maintain but I'd like to get closer to that again someday.

I'm not really sure how to get there. I'm bit frustrated & have emailed my nutrition guru to see what to do. I dont know if I can continue to just pay monthly for workouts. It's not sensible. Do I just eat healthfully & know that I'm taking care of myself?

I acknowledge the following:

*I've still lost over 100 pounds & maintained that loss
*I've completed the Chicago Marathon...TWICE!
*I've completed 4 half marathons
*I've completed multiple races ranging from 5K's to 10 milers to full marathons
*I've defeated binge eating
*I've created a life for myself with the help of my parents
*I've met the man of my dreams who I get to spend the rest of my life with
*I've got a great family & some really close friends (some of whom I've never met)
*I've got God by my side

I could go on & on but I wont. Sometimes I just need to remind myself of how far I've come.

I've also realized that people in our lives will come & go but the ones that are meant to stay put will. I'm okay with that because I know that every individual that crosses our path served a purpose. Perhaps they werent meant to be there forever. Shit happens as Kevin always says! lol

So a bit of a somber post today but not really in my eyes. I need to be reminded that I've never given up. I'm not now & never intended to though I'll admit I feel frustrated & uncertain what to do at this point.

But in the meantime, I'll train, I'll cardio & I'll eat knowing that I'm doing all the right things to take care of ME!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


No, I didnt have another dream about Marisa Miller (still giggling about that one!) BUT it is mid-week already! Gotta love a short week!

There is still no report from the vacation because I'm having water heater issues at home. So last night was spent with Dad trying to find the culprit & then I went to be early.

I noted on my Good Eats page that I was super hungry last night. I sometimes struggle to know if it's boredom or true hunger. Well, after ignoring it a bit then slugging down some Coke Zero, I realized I was really hungry.

Do you ignore your hunger for the sake of maybe dropping some weight? I want to lose some weight but really see no reason to starve my body to make it happen. I ate close to maintenance (probably just under) still & felt MUCH better this morning as a result.

I actually woke up hungry which surprised me since I had a later snack.

Plans for today are to get cardio in after work sometime & head to Kevin's to shower. I think Dad is coming over to work on the water heater again so that stuff will be worked around that.

By the way, that's a picture of my little guy when he was about 8 weeks old. He's a big ball of fluff now. He'll be 3 in about a month!

Happy Hump Day!!!!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I kissed a girl?!?

I'm back & had a great weekend. Plans were semi-altered but we still hit our original destinations!

More on that later but I'll leave you with a funny of sorts.

Sunday night, I dreamed that I totally made out with Marissa Miller!!!! Not really sure why that happened but it was an interesting & VIVID dream! hahaha

I promise to catch up soon but it may not be until tomorrow!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Peace out....

It's just about time for me to head out for the long holiday weekend! Super excited about that!

The picture is of Lake Shelbyville & actually looks like the coves that we hiked on last fall. You heard about the spider incident that happened on that hike! Never fear, the bug spray with DEET is packed & ready to go. We WILL use it this time!

Today's been a nice day. Got to see my Grandfather, visited with our accountant (who's been around for a long time with our family) & chatted via email with friends. Did a little work too ;)

Again, there's been lots of "fat mentality" talk on the blogs in the last few days. Certainly, sparked by a lot of things. Catch some of them to see different perspectives & I really challenge you guys to focus on living life while loving the body you have. That's not to say you cannot make improvements but I'll say again.

If you dont love yourself in your current body then you wont love yourself in the body you want.

I hope you all have a really fabulous holiday weekend! Whether traveling or staying home, I hope you make it a great one!

Take care!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I appreciate the comments on the video. I hope it hit home for some of you. It certainly makes you stop & think about the things we say to/about ourselves. It really does affect our lives far more than we think.

There's been a great discussion at Healthy Tipping Point today as a result of that video. That's where I saw it this morning & felt compelled to share!

We ARE who we present ourselves to be. If you feel insecure, you will portray that & people will wonder what could be so bad. On the flip side, when you carry yourself like you feel a million bucks you will command attention. People will begin to wonder who you are, what your secret is & how you can live such a great life.

How do people see you now?

I could go on & on about that stuff. It's just my heart to have people believe in themselves. If no one had done that for me then I'd still be an unhealthy person!

The day was a good one. Quiet at work but that's okay. The industry is picking up & we are bringing guys back to work so that is a good thing. A quiet office is not always a bad thing!

I did my first official food blog picture tonight with my dinner. I think doing that daily would be alot but what a great way to keep accountable to myself (& you all!)

I came across a blog that had a clip from an article that related that folks that blog their food tend to be healthier. I guess with all eyes watching it happens!

My days still include their fair share of "forbidden" things.

Here's a little list of my naughty delights:

*Candy corn with unsalted peanuts
*Cool whip ( all it's HFCS glory!)
*Coke Zero & Cherry Coke Zero
*McDonald's french fries (though it's been MONTHS!)
*Fair food (come on....who doesnt love a funnel cake?!?)
*Lofthouse cookies (truly a gift from Heaven!)
*Archer Farms (Target's brand) Monster trail mix

I'm sure there's more but those come to mind immediately.

Okay, so I digress. Anyway, things are good.

I need to pack for the weekend, charge the camera, drink my wine (a little Lambrusco) & plan to get to bed early tonight.

We are training in the AM & I might do a little cardio before that. We'll see what time I get to bed.

I will be around for just a bit tomorrow then AWOL until probably Tuesday. Will catch up then!

Have a FUN & SAFE holiday weekend!

Can you stop?

Seriously, can you stop fat talking yourself & appreciate the body you have, how it moves & what an amazing machine it is?


Tuesday, May 19, 2009


For me anyway..just a couple more days of work & I'm outtie. Yes, I'll probably talk about that daily until I leave Free Smiley Face Courtesy of

Today was fairly quiet at work but I did sneak in time to start watching the series finale of Prison Break. Let me clarify for those wondering. I work for my Dad at his construction company so yes, I do have the luxury of catching shows online when I'm caught up with everything!

We trained this morning & I'd planned to do cardio this evening too but my legs are still so tender from Sunday's workout. I think I'm going to tan though & will just walk there. It's about half mile away so not far but enough of a trip to get my legs moving.

I know I promised more pictures too & have slacked on that thus far but I'm working on it. I might even try posting meals via photo as well but that seems alot to do daily but we'll see. I am having fun sharing my meals in more detail along with sharing the new foods I'm trying as well. I do hope you'll try some of them!

Okay, I'm out the door for a little walk, a little sun & a little fresh air!

Monday, May 18, 2009

3 sleeps....

....until my long weekend!!!!! Silly, I know but I'm really excited.

Today was pretty quiet in my world. I was not feeling well today. Last week, I felt like I was coming down with something & today felt VERY warm. Like sweaty underclothes warm. Gross right? But you know what I mean dont you?

I dawned on me this evening that this time it's likely hormonal. Get my drift?!?

Inspite of that, I managed to mow the lawn. My mower died on me though so I ran to Kevin's house to get his. Thankfully, his house is really close so I got there & back quickly. Mine pooped out in the first few minutes so I had to finish!

That's done & it's just about time for the Season Finale of 24!!! Anyone else feel like you are on the edge of your seat when this show is on? Such a gripper!

I did manage to watch the finale's of the following:

Grey's Anatomy
Desperate Housewives
The Office
The Biggest Loser

I still need to watch Prison Break which was actually their series finale.

I updated my food for today & talked about a new bar I picked up today.

OH! Time for 24!!

Hope your week is off to a GREAT start!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A day of rest.

Not so much! Isn't Sunday, the Sabbath, supposed to be just that? A day for rest? Not in my world! Sometimes I feel like I never stop!

Backing up.

Yesterday found me in total snacky mode. I was eating what seemed to be all the darn time but then all the sudden, I was STUFFED! Not to mention super gassy. I'm not sure why but I could NOT get satisfied. I was afraid today was going to be that way too but it's not bad. I'm snacking but not nearly like yesterday was!

Last night, we watched Righteous Kill. Odd movie. I originally rented Traitor but minutes into the movie realized we'd already seen it. Oops! Dinner was homemade BBQ chicken pizza.

This morning I went to church then went to eat with my Dad & the gang (which inludes my uncle & his longtime girlfriend.)

I got my first training in for the week along with 30 min cardio session. My poor legs are killing me already. Cause? Front squats & sumo deadlifts. Love to hate them both!

Walmart was next on the list for some chicken dinner. Kevin requested BBQ chicken which I thought was odd since I'd just used both things for pizza last night. I'll be baking some sweet potatoes as well.

I realized that I dont have many pictures on the blog so I'll work on that.

Hope you are enjoying what's left of your weekend!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Dreary day, go away!

The sun was supposed to be shining today & I was more than ready to head out for a run. Mother Nature has other plans for NW Indiana!

So, I'll be heading to the gym shortly instead. Because of travel this week, our training has been rearranged so it'll be done before we leave. That means training tomorrow.

Nothing much on tap for today. Kevin's at work & actually left early. I fed him & had a smoothie myself to get something in my tummy.

I'll knock out some cardio, get some groceries, probably tan (haven't gone all week) & then come home to tend to the house.

We planned to mulch at Kevin's but that may not happen if it rains again. Time will tell!

OH & I have some more progress to report on the fitness front. I have dropped another pound this week. My secret? I'm not sure. I've done all my training, my "prescribed" amount of cardio BUT I did not count on single morsel of food that went into my mouth. Is that the key? I dont know. I'm certain I'm eating enough & do not allow myself to get too hungry. I AM making VERY healthy choices & eating whole foods.

We shall see if this continues......


Friday, May 15, 2009

Cheat, treat or just living?

I was emailing a friend earlier in reference to a few blogs that I read daily. It came to mind that none of them refer to foods at "treats" or meals out as "cheats." Never do you see that.

Why? Because it's JUST FOOD!!!!

They are simply eating what they want. Enjoying wine & beer with dinner (daily for some) & never once do you hear them complain about a "binge" that includes a handful of M&M's.

Why? Because it's JUST FOOD!!!!!!

We've become so programmed by the good food & bad food mentality that we forget.

It's JUST FOOD!!!!!

Okay, maybe I'm being a little repetitive & maybe it's silly. I myself have struggled with binge eating. It got pretty bad & there was a time in my life that it wasnt "just food." I spent many years actually turning to that food for comfort. I wanted it to make me feel better so I ate as much of it as I could.

Lately though, I find myself eating to kill the hunger. Isn't that what food is for? Beat the hunger that our body is signaling us as a sign that it needs something to continue functioning properly. The food is FUEL! It's a means for our bodies to continue to work as it should. Yes our bodies are amazing machines & will adapt as necessary.

Have you read My Best Friend by Kath?

Will you start eating "just food" & respect the body you have? Or will you continue to "cheat" & "treat" your way through life.

Start "just living."

Stories from hikes past...

Okay, so it's only one story from a previous hike but as promised. It's the spider story.

Mind you, this was Kevin's birthday weekend (Labor Day weekend) & we had already spent one day hiking at Fox Ridge State Park the day before. It was beautiful there & you could see eagles flying overhead. We really wondered if they were circling some prey..hopefully not us! lol

The scoop...
(copied from an old Oxygen journal entry on 09/03/08)

Got up pretty early, ate at the hotel (continental deal) then headed to Eagle Creek State park where we expected to do an 18 mile loop. WRONG! Everything is still flooded from the rains months ago. In fact, Lake Shelbyville is still 8 feet over it's usual level. So we headed to Wolf Creek State park instead. Started out on a pretty isolated trail then scrapped that. WAY too many spider webs to dodge. So we found another trail that looped uphill & around the coves in the lake. Pretty nice actually. Ate after completing that then walked a while longer through the campground. Ended up doing only 6 miles though.

When we got back in the car & headed out, I noticed "things" on my legs. Kevin stopped & I realized that my legs were covered with this little creepy crawlies! I thought they were ticks & started having a panic attack! It was horrible. A park ranger stopped & assured us they were not ticks. Somewhere we got into a spider's nest...yep...we were covered in tiny spiders! ACK!

We stripped in the shower, sprayed everything down & bagged it all up.

I should add that this was the first time that Kevin ever saw me freak out like that. We are talking hyperventilating, cannot breathe, tears streaming down my face freak out!

AND I had little red bumps all over my legs where they bit me up. Those things didnt go away for a while actually!

NOTE TO SELF: Always use the really good bug spray when you bring it rather than saying "nah, we should be okay." Oops!

Have a FAB Friday all!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

What happened to Thursday?

Wow, this day has passed unbelievably fast! Let's home for that to be repeated next week!

First, let me just say thanks so much for the comments on the posts. I really enjoy reading your thoughts on things too & it sometimes gives me a new perspective on things. I know that so many people struggle with living their "best life" each day & it just sucks because that's no fun!

I appreciate the compliments too. I've worked hard to get healthy & not be another victim of the family's curse of heart disease. It may still happen, I do realize that. But at least I'll know that I've taken care of myself!

So....the holiday weekend is shaping up nicely! We are headed to Central Illinois to Kickapoo State park! They have a 7.5 mile hiking course that's an out & back trail. I need to share the spider story from Labor Day 2008's trip..tomorrow..promise! Kevin was hesistant to agree to another hiking trip & you'll understand why! hehehe

We'll leave Thursday night & stay at a hotel near the park. Hike on Friday until we are tired & dirty then head to Champaign to stay overnight there. Saturday, we'll head to the lake to hang with Kevin's brother & his family. So fun. Sunday head home then on Monday night is my BFF's little guy's 3rd birthday party! I'm FLOORED that Grant will be 3 already. Time has really flown!

That's really it for today. It's been uneventful....cardio, eat, work, eat, cook dinner, eat.

I am keeping up with my workouts & eats on their new pages too!

Catch you tomorrow!

Busy morning!

I'm here, I'm here just busy with some work as well as planning our trip for next weekend.

I've convinced Kevin to hit up a state park (will share later about last year's spider fiasco!) so we are trying to finalize that & book hotels.

BUT I wanted to share a Celebrate Chocolate giveaway before I forget. Check it out at Mandy's blog!

More later!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Okay, so who watched The Biggest Loser last night? Most people that I know did. And while I'll admit that I never cared for Helen (still bitter that she sent her daughter home), I was floored to see how little she was. In my opinion, she teetered on too thin.

Tara (my fave) looked amazing & Mike's final result just made my jaw drop! Seriously!

If you are not motivated to get of your rear & do SOMETHING good for yourself after watching that show then something isn't right!

The one thing that continues to resonate in my head that they've all said is "I'm worth it."

I babbled about this not too long ago but do you really know what holds you back? Why you get sucked into this "diet" or that "diet?" Why you aren't kind to yourself but eating well, living life & taking advantage of your daily blessings?

Do me a favor & think about that today, will you?

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Health Disconnect

Interesting article on Yahoo today.


Go Blackhawks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to my friends who are fans of the Canucks but the Blackhawks are the Chicago-area's only hope for a winning season as of right now! They are our playoff hopes!

Last night was eventful with the season finale of House (wow is he nuts or what?!?) & then the almost finale of 24! I just knew it was not quite over! Gah & now with Kiefer in legal trouble, next season is already being questioned with suggestions that it will be on hold while he serves time! Dangit Jack Bauer! hehe

I'm working more on the blog today & really appreciate the thoughts on the new layout! I get a wide variety of readers from the fitness front, food front & just friends who are lurking to see what I'm up to since I'm no longer on the Oxygen forum much. I figured having different pages will allow folks to catch up with which part they want, get some new food ideas & just read my daily ramblings! How fun is that?!? lol

Tonight, as I've already mentioned is the BIGGEST LOSER FINALE!!!!! So beyond excited. This season has motivated me a bit more for some reason & perhaps it's because they have been taught more about living life in moderation. Contestants in past years were not taught that lesson thus several have not maintained their weight loss. Some have yes but it appears most have not. So maybe this will be the year that things stick!

I know more than many what bad habits are & how they can easily creep back into our lives. Do you have any that still get to you? For me, it's the all or nothing mentality that makes food "against the law." So silly & one that I've worked hard to break free of.

Okay, time to get some work done. Should be quiet but carpenter's would probably like their checks tomorrow! Oh wait, so do I!

Have a FAB day! Make it yours & OWN IT!

I'll leave you with a thought from The Biggest Loser theme song....

What have you done today to make you feel proud?


Monday, May 11, 2009

Blog fun!

Okay, I'm a tad bored at work so I've been making my blog better! I've added a few new pages! They will feature respectively...a little history about me, my workouts & my eats. Exciting right? Ha! But as I hope to adapt the blog & make it a bit better, these pages will help that as well as help newcomers learn more about me without having to dig in the past!

Any thoughts, opinions & suggestions are always welcome!

Monday musings.

Morning & welcome to the new week! It seems like the days keep passing more quickly for some reason but right around the corner is the Memorial Weekend!!!!!!

It'll be a fun one for us. We are off to the campground with Kevin's brother for a weekend of beverage, boating & bonding! Oh & dont forget the smores!

Prior to that we are taking a day or so for ourselves & that is shaping up to include a trip to an Indiana vineyard where they make my FAVE wine! It's Oliver Winery. Super excited about that! More on that later!

This weekend was really laid back which was fine!

Mother's Day was indeed tough & for some reason it was harder this year than last. I opted to skip church inspite of getting up & starting to get ready. I just couldnt do it. So I went to breakfast with Kevin & his roommate instead. Came home & went for a LONG walk (over an hour), mowed the lawn, ran to the store, showered & ended up zonked on the couch. His parents had planned to go to the boat so we just had leftovers (the enchilada casserole was FAB!) Then we headed to Dairy Queen for dessert later. My treat was just a small chocolate dipped cone. Kevin had a small Snickers blizzard. I wanted the Peanut Buster parfait since that's what Mom always loved but I thought it would be too much so close to bedtime.

Nothing earthshattering on tap for this week. Biggest Loser finale is tomorrow night so I'll likely watch that with my friend. I'm so pulling for Tara. I see so much of myself in her & I want to see her succeed as a result!

On the fitness/diet front, things are moving right along. My workouts have been ON inspite of being tired of the gym. I split my cardio up a bit different than "prescribed" last week but still doing the same amount. I liked it better. It's a long session for 2 days then 2 shorter ones.

I am down a half pound (which makes me giggle) for the week. I didnt count macros last week & just ate when I was hungry but did try to keep the protein up still. I realize (thank you Lisa!) that I may not have to really drop 20 pounds this time around. I do know that my body took FULL advantage of the post show opportunity for some muscle growth. I'll be happy with 10-15 in reality!

I REALLY appreciate all the comments, suggestions, rants, etc on the blog. It's nice to be able to ramble away & read your feedback. It makes me think, giggle, smile, etc!

Have a fantastic week!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Sunny at last!

The day started off crazy windy, rainy & just icky but it seemed to have made a turn for the better sometime during my nap! Ha!

Today's accomplishments are short list. I just didnt feel like doing much but I did get cardio in, made a trip to the spa (Planet Beach) for hydration & tanning, tossed in a load of laundry (workout clothes) & then napped after munching like a nut.

I went WAY too long without eating today then when I finally did eat, I could not get full. I HATE that feeling & while I acknowledge getting full isnt the reason to keep eating but being satisfied is so I ate until I felt that way.

I have dinner in the oven & while it started out to be enchiladas it turned into a casserole since the corn tortillas kept breaking (2 were harmed in the making of dinner.) Here's the short recipe that I nabbed from a friend.

Chicken Enchiladas

*Cook & shred desired amount of chicken (about a pound) then combine with either greek yogurt or light sour cream (about 3/4 cup.)
*Mix 2 cans of green chili enchilada sauce, can of cream of chicken soup (I get the Healthy Request) & a small can of roasted green chilis

Pour 1/3 of the sauce mixture into the bottom of a 13x9 pan & commence rolling!

The proper way is to roll a few spoons of chicken filling & place into a pan seam-side down, however, since that did work with the tortillas I had, I did the following.

(Still putting 1/3 mixture in the bottom of the pan)

Layer 6 tortillas, top with chicken mixture & cheese then top with more sauce. Top with more tortillas, chicken, sauce & cheese.

Bake until cheese melts (works for either method.)

Will give you the decision on how these turn out tomorrow!

Tonight after dinner, we are heading to Kevin's to watch a movie. We got Zach & Miri Make a Porno & hear it's pretty funny. A good story...we went to Blockbuster here in Valpo & couldnt find it so we asked. They only had 1 copy of the movie come in & it was stolen! lol We found it at the Movie Gallery though.

Not certain the plans for tomorrow. It's Mother's Day & I'm really having a tough week as a result. I miss my Mom so much that my heart hurts. I know it'll be okay but I dont think that I'm going to church in the morning. My Dad will probably not like that but I am not up for it really. Kevin said we'll spend the day doing something instead. Maybe I can drag him to the Indiana Dunes for some hiking!

Have a GREAT Saturday all!

And CONGRATS to my friend Marcia for running the Fifth Third Bank 25K today in Grand Rapids. Check her blog out...Mission Impossible (link to the right.)

Gotta run...a hungry man just walked in my door! :)

Friday, May 8, 2009

Woohoo Weekend!

It's finally here. The big weekend. Well, not really a big one in terms of things going on but it's just the weekend in general.

What shall I be doing? Probably mowing the lawn again. You wouldn't know that I just did it last Saturday! Rain + fertilizer = happy growing grass!

Tonight we are dining out & either seeing a movie (Wolverine would be FAB) or just wandering around.

Tomorrow I'm making chicken enchiladas & we'll rent a movie for home.

Knocked out my last training this morning & managed to do 20 minutes on the elliptical too. I was a sweaty pig when I was done. Anyone else sweat like that? I mean I'm SOAKED when I'm done. Kinda gross but I consider it a good day in the gym.

Kevin & I did a tour of the new YMCA last night. OMG, I'm in LOVE! I checked into volunteering & found that if you do a regular scheduled 3 hours/week then you get a free membership. Easy! Now if they'll just "hire" me. We wont be able to join as a "family" just yet because 1) we arent married & 2) dont technically live under the same household (must have a driver's license for proof.) So we'll just join individually & will probably do that next month. My hope is that I get hired to volunteer though! Filling out that application today & dropping it off tomorrow!

I really appreciate the comments from yesterday's ramblings. I am definitely taking control & am just going to continue doing all the right things. My focus has to be on health & if that means being a little heavier than I *want* to be then so be it. I see too many girls on the fitness forums who live so unhealthfully & dont realize they are pissing away life. I dont want to be one of them. I did that for too long but we all have those moments of frustration. I just want to be able to acknowledge them when they come up & move on. Ruminating on them & letting the negativity fester just is counterproductive. I refuse to live that way!

Have a FANTASTIC weekend everyone!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Rainy run, worm suicide & ponderings.

Sounds loaded doesnt it? It is...sorta.

This morning I was forcing myself to run outside. I'm soooooooooooooo sick of being in the gym & truly find I have little motivation lately to be there for anything other than weight training. Perhaps it's just boredom with the scenery but it's a task to get there anymore. I do know that we are talking about joining the brand-spankin' new Valparaiso YMCA so that keeps my head in the game!

It was a bit rainy when I left & it continued for most of the run. Honestly though, it felt great. I completed just under 5 miles & in typical fashion maintained a 10 minute/mile pace. No matter how fast or slow I run, it always averages out to that pace. At least I'm consistent right?!?

With the rain came the worms. They were everywhere & for some reason they just wanted to be under foot. Were they having a bad day? I mean I would if I saw a size 10.5 shoe coming down on me! I really try to avoid them because quite frankly it's just icky to step on them but sometimes it's unavoidable. My apologies for the lives taken during this morning's run!

And with the longer runs also come the times of reflection. Yes, I have my music streaming from the iPod but I still find that my mind wanders. I'm having a bit of a struggle lately with finding a happy medium. When I re-joined SOS, I was ready. I wanted to do whatever it took to get my old body back, drop this extra 20 pounds & get on with my life. After a month, my net loss was a big fat goose egg. I tried not to let it frustrate me but I'd be lying if I said it didnt. So I've maintained for yet another month. That's better than the alternative right?!?

On Biggest Loser this week, there were TONS of tearjerker moments. Tara crossing the finish line, Ron actually completing the marathon (not a fan of Ron but this brought me to tears) & one of them at one point said "why didnt I think I could do this." Maybe it was even Helen (also not a fan) but something really resonated with me.

I've done this once before (reached my weight loss goal.) Why dont I have confidence in myself to do it again? It's ONLY 20 pounds. I've still lost over 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why oh why do I keep doubting myself. I really dont know but I'm acknowledging today that I do it. I doubt myself. I somehow still think I dont deserve to move forward once again. I wish I didnt think that way but I do sometimes.

I dont want this to turn into a pity party because that's so not where my head is at all. But I do need to stop the self-doubt.

I'm physically active most days of the week. I eat well & while I may not hit my macros perfectly each day, I'm making healthy choices. I'm not eating garbage & not providing my body the fuel it needs. I'm no longer abusing my body by not taking care of it!

Moving forward, I will only have the can do attitude. I know I'm doing all the things right that I need to be doing. Why can't that be enough?

It WILL be enough.

And I will grab the bull by the horns...............

Anyone care to join me?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Dare I say it?

This week is going by FAST! Really, I cannot believe it's Wednesday already! It's a good thing because this weekend passed so quickly! I need this weekend to get some stuff done.

Off the "to do" list is fertilizing the lawn & weeding the back flower garden though. I did that last night as well as picked up the house a bit & cleaned out some old stuff out of the linen closet.

Do you have a task you set out to accomplish each week?

For me, I've been trying to throw something away every week. So far, I've tossed an old decorative silk flower arrangement that was collecting dust & a pillow that Kevin brought over when he started staying over night. Another week, I cleaned out some stuff from underneath the upstairs bathroom sink & this week's clean-up was the linen closet to toss out old toiletry stuff. You know..the collection of Bath & Body Works stuff that seems to multiply like bunnies over the years! Gone!

My motivator? Moving. I know I need to rid myself of the clutter. I have a lot of stuff in my 3 bedroom house so I need to clear out stuff that I really dont need/use. I will be having a rummage sale or three along the way but also hope to sell some stuff on Ebay. I've just not officially started yet. Maybe this weekend I should set a goal to list a couple items. I have a stash of Mary Kay stuff that I need to clear out so maybe I'll start there.

The day has passed pretty quickly & I'm ready to head home already! Few more hours to go.

Trained this morning but passed on anything that has to do with my legs. I'm thinking I'll even skip cardio for tonight & go run in the morning instead. Monday's leg day (quad dominant) was brutal!

We'll see how I feel after running errands after work! I usually just end up hungry so I go home! Go figure!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

What I ate.

It's simple, huh?

Breakfast: Egg whites, green peppers & a maple flavored veggie sausage; oats with banana
Snack: Larabar (peanut butter cookie flavor)
Lunch: 1% cottage cheese; 2% fage with cheddar rice "quakes"
Snack: Pure protein shake & apple
Dinner: Flatout wrap with extra lean ground beef, Sargento reduced fat colby jack, grilled veggies (asparagus, onion & zucchini) topped with TJ's sweet chili sauce

I'm toying with the idea of registering my blog with Food Buzz to become a "member" of the foodie blog community. That doesn't mean the daily rambles wont exist but it would mean that I'd be sharing products I use, photographing my foods so you can see what I'm feasting on & maybe even doing some product reviews. It sounds like alot of fun. I've already learned from the foodie blogs that I visit that...

1) I need more interesting dishes
2) raw foods look super yummy
3) I can make my own version of the larabars if I take the time to do it
4) I'm missing out on some really yummy foods out there

So I'll think more about this & decide what I'm going to do. I think it wiould be interesting & fun though!

Oh baby!

This weekend was one of the best weekends EVER! I had so much fun with Kevin's family. From mexican on Friday at our favorite place, BW-3 on Saturday with MUCH beer consumed & finally topped off with the baby shower on Sunday.

The good stuff.....

*Kevin's Mom telling me how happy I make her son & how he's a different person now (in a good way!)

*Sitting at his parent's house Sunday evening with good food & good company. All while my hand (yes, I edited this! lol) was firmly placed on my SIL's belly feeling little Emma roll around. So fun!

*A uber yummy grilled chicken sandwich on a pretzel roll with pesto aioli, goat cheese & caramelized onions at the shower. Saying this was good is the understatement of the century.

*An informal cake tasting with the 2 cakes for the shower that were from Strongbow's where we'll have our reception. One was white cake with fresh strawberries & creme the other was a carrot cake. I suspect we'll go with both!

An update on SOS. At the end of one month, my weight is right where I started BUT I am seeing some visible differences in my body so I'll take it. My lifts are going up again, I'm feeling good still & am actually noticing that my legs are smoother in appearance.

I also put the scale away this morning. It takes my head to bad places sometimes & it's just not worth it. For now, maybe once a week but I'd like to go longer than that.

I suspect that's a wrap.

Have a great week!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Finally Friday.....

Well, it's upon us. Friday. The day we all typicall focus on beginning on Monday morning when our feet hit the floor!

It's been a good week overall. Let's recap, shall we?

*The Bulls pulled off a FAB win last night against the Celtics BUT they kept me up past my bedtime with a 3 OT game! So, they take them on in Game 7 tomorrow night! Super exciting for a team that wasnt expected to hang in the playoffs this long!

*I've spent a bit of time reflecting after being challenged at church. Pastor Keith put out there a 60/60 challenge. Spend a few minutes (or whatever you choose) every 60 minutes you are awake to talk to God. THEN spend 60 minutes daily in prayer. Okay, I so failed already BUT what I have been doing it listening to worship music on the way home each day (think I failed yesterday.) It's been so amazing. I find myself singing along, remembering what God has done for me & knowing that He'll go before me no matter what. I dont even have to ask sometimes.

*Dad's doing good. I'm so humbled by things that have transpired. I'm grateful to still have my Dad. Business is picking up though it's still not great, it's better. My Uncle Dale is now working for us. It's quite a long story behind what's transpired in our family but I'll let it be known that my Mom's death brought peace among the family.

*I'm excited to spend a weekend of fun with my soon to be "in-law" family. We often do things with Kevin's parents but his brother & sister (along with their families) are at minimum a few hours away. I am so blessed & humbled again to have such a great family that I'm marrying into.

*I had fun baby shopping today for little Emma who will join us in July. She'll belong to Kevin's sister & BIL. She'll be beautiful. I already know!

*I've been able to gain insight into my own past struggles through sharing my experiences & getting things out of my head once and for all. Though I've not posted the blog yet, it's been very cathartic to get it out. I'm no longer that person. I'm no longer "Fat Heather" as I've called her many times before. I'm just me now. And I like that.

I'm sure I've missed something but that's good for now.

Be safe this weekend, enjoy your friends & family, be good to yourself & NEVER give up on who you want to be.