Thursday, May 28, 2009

Wanderer

Do you ever have those moments where you aren't quite sure just how to start? I'm kind of there at the moment so if this seems uber rambly then you'll at least know why. Although those of you that know me (even virtually) understand that's how I am anyway!

Last night during cardio, my mind was wandering. That was in part due to my iPod freezing. I thought for sure it was dead but as of this morning, it's reset. It's 2 years old so it was possible that it was done for. It was used for the VERY first time ever during my second run in the Chicago Marathon. Good times!

Anyway, back to the wandering mind. You all know that I've been having little success with weight loss lately. I have been eating VERY well & not overdoing things at all. I'm really pleased about that.

I will drop a little then it goes right back up. It makes no difference if I eat very strict, track macros or just eat intuitively. That's what happens. My last drop with weight was with a VERY restrictive program that was low in carbs, very low in calories (around 1100) & caused me to have certain *ahem* issues (not pottying.)

So while busting out some cardio, I decided to remind myself of how far I've come. You see the little picture that I have on my profile. That was me when I finally sucked it up & decided to get healthy. The flexing pic was taken 4 weeks out from my first figure show. Now that's not realistic to maintain but I'd like to get closer to that again someday.

I'm not really sure how to get there. I'm bit frustrated & have emailed my nutrition guru to see what to do. I dont know if I can continue to just pay monthly for workouts. It's not sensible. Do I just eat healthfully & know that I'm taking care of myself?

I acknowledge the following:

*I've still lost over 100 pounds & maintained that loss
*I've completed the Chicago Marathon...TWICE!
*I've completed 4 half marathons
*I've completed multiple races ranging from 5K's to 10 milers to full marathons
*I've defeated binge eating
*I've created a life for myself with the help of my parents
*I've met the man of my dreams who I get to spend the rest of my life with
*I've got a great family & some really close friends (some of whom I've never met)
*I've got God by my side

I could go on & on but I wont. Sometimes I just need to remind myself of how far I've come.

I've also realized that people in our lives will come & go but the ones that are meant to stay put will. I'm okay with that because I know that every individual that crosses our path served a purpose. Perhaps they werent meant to be there forever. Shit happens as Kevin always says! lol

So a bit of a somber post today but not really in my eyes. I need to be reminded that I've never given up. I'm not now & never intended to though I'll admit I feel frustrated & uncertain what to do at this point.

But in the meantime, I'll train, I'll cardio & I'll eat knowing that I'm doing all the right things to take care of ME!

4 comments:

SuperDots said...

You know, one particular sentence in your post struck me:

"I'm not really sure how to get there"

and you have...

"*I've still lost over 100 pounds & maintained that loss
*I've completed the Chicago Marathon...TWICE!
*I've completed 4 half marathons
*I've completed multiple races ranging from 5K's to 10 milers to full marathons
*I've defeated binge eating
"

Isn't it ironic that you feel like you don't know how to get there, even though YOU GOT THERE ONCE BEFORE? I feel the same way. It's insance craziness!

I have no words of wisdom or advice--but I can relate because I feel like I just don't know how to get rid of the last 20 lbs even though I've lost 40.

I suppose we just hit a wall and...here we are, wondering, wondering...

At least you're doing all the necessary things to take care of YOU!

We'll get where we want to be one day--just like we got to where we wanted to be before. You're a hard-working woman with determination and a plan!

Genie said...

I don't think this is a somber post at all, Heather. I think you have accomplished so much, and you still want more and are willing to put in the the thought, effort, work... That's how you get better.

What would you do if you were completely satisfied with your healthy lifestyle? What would you strive for in regards to nutrition and fitness? If you are like me, no matter where you are, you always want to be a little bit better. :)

FitCrazedMomma said...

Hey Heather.
Great post/message.
I have to say you have come so far in life! It's so great to read about all your accomplishments. And yes, you could have gone on and on...... :)
If we were all *perfect*
(whatever that means!) we would never have goals and standards for ourselves and would be soo boring! I can't wait to hear what Jodi the Great has in store for you. I think if anyone can make sense of you ( ha) she can!

vanessa40 said...

Thank You Heather
That was a wonderful post and just what i needed to read.
You should be proud of how far you have come.
I know whatever you decide to do you will be a success