Meet Molly!

Bad cropping on this picture but I wanted to introduce you to the newest member of our family. Our little goldendoodle!!!! We picked her out the day before we learned that we lost the baby. She'll come home in a couple weeks. (you can click the picture to see her better!)

Clearly, she will be a welcomed addition to our home (well, not sure the cat will think so) & will provide us a lot of joy....even when she's having accidents on the carpet. Housebreaking will commence from day 1!

As for me, I'm healing. I had a complication this week but it seems to have passed & I am better (will spare you the TMI but if you really want to know then comment & I am happy to email you.) It was scary though!

Thank you SO much for the kind comments about the loss. I am so humbled by people's kindness. Your prayers are greatly appreciated. I will say that initially I wanted to not try anymore but that's just silly. God does not put desires in our hearts that are not meant to be. My doctor is doing additional testing on the baby (reason I had another D&C) & I will have extensive blood work done next week. She truly feels nothing is wrong but since our losses were so close she is able to do it. I will keep the blog updated!

UPDATE: I just got word that we will be bringing Molly home on Friday!!!! We are not ready for her but will be by then! haha

Broken.

I am emotionally & spiritually broken. We learned today that we have yet again lost a baby. This on the heels of picking out the most adorable goldendoodle puppy that we will bring home in a few weeks. We had NO idea what a blessing she would be.

I go in for surgery in the morning. I don't know when or if I will be back to blogging. Someday, I hope.

I appreciate you all keeping up with my ramblings.

I've been keeping a secret.....

Yes, it's true. I'm pregnant again!!!!!!! I've wanted to share for weeks but I'd chicken out. It's not like you can jinx yourself but being pregnant RIGHT after a miscarriage is scary.

We actually got a positive test on April 21st. I had NO idea when it happened but it was so faint that we would've been quite entertaining to watch as we turned that little test strip 50 different ways to see if we were hallucinating! haha

The scary part was that I started bleeding on Saturday (just 2 days after we found out.) Since it was so early on, we didn't go to the ER but I called the doctor on Monday & they got me in right away. Over the next few (LONG & AGONIZING) days, they did betas & much to our excitement, we were not only pregnant but my levels tripled (never fear..only one baby in there!) A week later, they check again, tripled but found my progesterone a bit low so I've been on suppositories since then.

I had an ultrasound on May 16 & I was able to see my little lentil along with it's most beautiful flickering heart. Based on my last cycle, I would've been 7w4d (exactly when the first baby stopped growing) but this one was measuring 5w5d. Completely fine because I know my cycles are long so there was no way I was that far along. We went from a December 29 due date to January 11th. So as of today, I'm 8 weeks, 2 days & counting.

This pregnancy has been MUCH different. I am constantly tired & actually sleeping ALL the time (last time was major insomnia!) & I'm sick ALL the time. Food only helps for about an hour so while I'm eating often, I'm not eating large amounts. I get full fast.

And because all my summer stuff was too big in October when we went to Orlando, I'd gotten rid of it all. So I've already had to shift into a few maternity bottoms but wow are they comfy so I don't care!

I held out on announcing this here because I know a few people from church subscribe (though I don't know if they even read) so I kept it quiet. We are NOT going public until my next appt on June 14. We will then share with our close friends & extended families but there will be no FB announcement so if we are friends there, please keep my secret.

At some point, I will talk about all the anxiety that comes with being pregnant after a loss (literally, we had one cycle again & BAM!) Clearly, we have NO fertility issues there. I am praying daily with my hand on my tummy for this baby to just keep growing. At conception, it's already decided so while it's not in our hands, I turn to the One who has that control for comfort.