So today we went to the gym, I went to the store, came home & we got yardwork done (finally!) It's a beautiful 80 degree day with the sun shining, breeze blowing, intense storms coming later. Thanked the Lord for today & what it will bring.
But as I got ready after showering, I was digging through my clothes to get dressed. I put on things that were too big for me as I met my goals at the end of last year & reality set in. I'm right back to where I started.
Yes, I got pregnant. Yes, I had to seriously cut back on my workouts. Yes, I had a miscarriage. Our close friends & family know this but to most.... I just look fat again. I'm so so sad today. No baby. Just fat. I do not like what I see. I've tried to diet it away to fail. Not because I'm eating too much. In fact, I'm probably eating less most days. But the scale creeps up every.single.week. I don't know what to do so I cried as I dried my hair. Then came into the front room (my sitting room, eventually a nursery) & avoided Kevin for a few minutes so dry my eyes & clear up my red face. He knows what I'm feeling but really doesn't know what to say. I don't like myself right now but am still trying to trust that God is preparing my body. Perhaps I was too lean but now? Just feeling fat.