Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Free your mind?

For the record, I hate coming up with subject titles. I try to think of something witty but it just doesnt happen!

So last night, I rejoined Weight Watchers officially. Actually, I'm a Lifetime member (September 2006) so I didnt really rejoin but started going again so that I can reclaim my body. I was admittedly embarrassed. You never want to be "that" person. You know...the one that gained weight again.....the one perceived as having lost control over food.....the one that couldnt maintain her goal....

Well, when asked what happened, I explained that I dieted for bodybuilding shows (takes too long to explain figure), the extreme dieting made my system backfire & I had to do a repair program to fix it. Makes you wonder if they are secretly rolling their eyes. Wouldnt it be easier to say "well, I just ate too many zebra cakes."

I was not the only "returning" Lifetimer. There were others & they'd gained back everything...then some. Me? Gosh, I've still not outted that have I? Well, I'm 20 pounds heavier than I want to be.

My goal time frame? To fit comfortably in my fave skirts when we go on vacation the end of October. Pounds? Well, I want to get back to my goal weight which is where I was when I started an online program last June. I'd maintained that weight for almost 2 years. I know it's doable & a realistic number for me.

So what about this free your mind thing that I taunted you with?

Well, that comes from the meeting topic from last night. WW offers "Tools for Living" & each week a different one is discussed. What's the irony that this week's topic was Positive Self-Talking? It was definitely what I needed.

So here's the main point: Manage Your Thoughts

This is accomplished by....

1) noticing when negative thoughts come into your head (do you notice how sometimes they just sneak up on us & fester?)
2) challenge the negativity (say no to the thoughts tell you that you "cant", etc.)
3) turn around negative thinking (instead of saying I'll never fit into those pants tell yourself that you will & you will rock them)

What really struck me last night was the realization that I had started to feel like a failure for gaining back some of the weight that I'd lost. In reality, gaining back 20 pounds is FAR better than gaining the entire 100+ that I've lost. But still I'd let the thoughts creep into my mind that told me that I failed yet again.

It hit me the hardest talking to my best friend yesterday afternoon. I mentioned to her that I was thinking about going back but was embarrassed. She said I was being silly & that lots of people have that happen. She's right, you know. Not one single person in that meeting was going to be judgemental & think any less of me for having to return to lose again.

No one. Well, no one but me. I'm being my own worst enemy yet again. I realized as I sat there that I'd already turned the negative thought about being a failure around by just going to that meeting. Negative thoughts were trying to convince me that I couldn't do it. I could have easily given into it & said forget it "I'll never lose it again." But I know me better than that.

I will stay healthy.
I will be in control.
I will be a success.
I will get this weight off again.
I will fake it until I make it.
I will not be frumpy anymore (even if that means having to get a few bigger pieces of clothing.)
I will.....
I will.....
I will.....

There are alot of things in our lives that affect us every moment. Some just creep in when we let them. I let Fat Heather sneak back into my mind from time to time. She's a reminder of who I was, who I dont want to be again & who I'll have to wage battle against from time to time. She was unhappy, unhealthy & just probably not alot of fun to be around.

So as I wage the battle to keep her under wraps, I'll also wage battle against the thoughts getting into my head that help her resurface. It wont always be easy to silence her but it'll be worth winning the battle to become a little stronger each time.

Never underestimate the power of the mind. Once you start to believe something, you will become that something. Good or bad. Keep your thoughts under control. Envision your goal, ideal or whatever & success will come your way!


Anonymous said...

Whatever you put your energy in, grows

Guess who.

Vanessa said...

Thank you so much for writing about your meeting. I do plan on starting again sometime next week.
I love the fake it till you make it..

Anonymous said...

Great blog Heather!! I know I have said this before but thank you. Your blog makes me think and makes me and others realize that we are not alone. I remember when I was on WW and loved it b/c there was no crazy counting or obsession. I was happy and full of life and I so want that back. I think the answer is in attending a free meeting and seeing where it leads. Your post are helpful, soul searching, and above all HONEST which everyone appreciates. Thank you for helping me get back to they say you must first learn to crawl before you can walk. I think I am almost walking now.

Christy said...

Hi Heather,
Thank you so much for this post. Your infinite wisdom on this subject and your undying devotion to the truth--truth even when it hurts--is what makes you so wonderful. I feel that I already have gained so much from reading what you write and I know that will continue.

It's funny that you mention "Fat Heather." I call my inner fat girl "Esther." Esther is the girl that I WAS when I weighed MUCH more than I do now that always taunts me and tells me I'm a cheeseburger away from being her again. I'm working very hard to silence her.

Keep writing!

Dori said...

Heather, you continue to inspire me more and more everyday. I know I'm not around the boards anymore but I am on here keeping up with you. You rock!