Finally!

It's here. The day I've been anxiously waiting for.....VACATION!!!!!!! Tonight we will be on our flight to Orlando where we'll spend a couple days at Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure, Wet & Wild, Disney & then whatever else we want! Evenings will most likely be spent at CityWalk! Kevin emailed me around 8am to remind me that in 12 short hours we'll be in flight! lol I had been thinking the exact same thing so I couldnt help but giggle!

This weekend I was at the Continental Bodybuilding & Figure show in St. Charles, IL cheering on some friends. It made me realize that I truly love competing & aside from the bad dieting for the first shows, I really want to do it again with better guidance. I'm thinking perhaps next fall but we'll see.

On the fitness front, I've been rocking my training, getting in my cardio & well nutrition has been okay. I got this crazy GI thing that's had me well I'll just say making friends with the bathroom. It's better but my tummy has still be acting wonky. So I invested in some Pepto for the trip with hopes that it'll help! So I've been eating pretty much when I can & not worrying so much about what it actually is. I'm on the one meal a day plan & that's only when I think my stomach will be okay.

That's about it in my world! I'm just ready to spend the next 6 days in Orlando with Kevin & enjoy a much needed vacation for us both!

Catching up!

Well, it's a been a bit since I've updated the blog. I realized I got in spurts between here & my online journal. So as promised, here's an update for those not reading there too.

Kevin & I are just days away from our Orlando vacation. We are staying just a mile from Universal Studios & will spend a couple days there then a day at Disney. Our tickets also include Wet & Wild so we may play there as well! Our trip is a full 6 days & I'm very excited.

Before leaving for vacation though, I'm heading to St. Charles, IL to watch friends compete in the Continental bodybuilding & figure show. It'll be exciting to see everyone again & cheer on those that cheered for me along my road to the stage too. Go Amber, Jill, Andrea & Team MVP!

As for me, this Sunday was a "missing Mom" day. Church service was about recovery. Not just addictions recovery but also from grief, anger or anything really that has taken some sort of control over your life. I realized in that service that I'm really still pisssed about Mom's death. It's hard to not be honestly. It was untimely & perhaps could have been avoided had she taken better care of herself. I'm not mad at her anymore (that lasted a while though) but I'm still mad at God. He knows though & wont leave my side regardless. I'm considering talking to a counselor at church in the coming months. I know it'll help but I'm not ready for that yet. But as she said to my best friend the other day "what are you waiting for?" I dont know...I'll get back to you on that.

Fitness goals are on track, I suppose. I'm really soooooooooooooo sick of worrying about every single thing that goes into my mouth that I'm just honestly eating. Trying to make the most healthful choices 90% of the time, not letting myself get too hungry so my blood sugar doesnt tank & allowing myself to still enjoy life. You can bet your paycheck that I'll be enjoying vacation but again will make healthful choices when able to! I'm looking ahead to the end of the year as my "target date" for being back at my goal. That's plenty of time & doesnt make me feel pressured to get there either.

I suppose that catches me up. It'll be a busy weekend leading up to our departure on Tuesday. I wont be updating this while we are gone but will cough up some pics & a vacation recap when I'm setting back at home.

Take care all!!

Putting on the brakes!

It has come to my attention although not directly that my head is slipping into a place that does not serve me well. It's that place that contains the diet information that I've learned over the years. Some of it's good...eat healthy, exercise moderately & enjoy life but some of it's bad...restrict this or that, cardio myself to death (this does not include training for a race.)

The battle continues with trying to stop that side of my head from creeping it's ugliness into reality. Why? Because I made a promise to my Dad. Because I cannot put Kevin through what my Dad went through with my Mom. Because it's not healthy & that's ultimately what I want for myself.

To be healthy, fit, active & enjoying the life that I have been given.

There's nothing wrong with that but it's easy to let that part of our heads suck us in! You know.....carbs are bad, fat will make you fat, the scale dictates your health, ice cream & candy corn aren't good for you (hehehe.) Seriously though, it's so easy to get pulled back into the "diet" mentality.

Yes, I'm going to Weight Watchers & yes, it's more or less a diet. But never will you hear WW tell you that a food is bad, off-limits or whatever. That the criticism that WW has received. You can use your points for whatever you want...that is true but they do not advocate eating 24 points a day in ice cream (that would be 3/4 of a pint of Ben & Jerry's for the record.) What they do is talk about making optimal choices & maximizing your points. Think of it as getting the biggest bang for your buck!

Anyway, my point is that I've realized that my head snuck into that place I dont like. I found myself starting to restrict by doing things that are not truly healthy. I'm not proud of that but I'm glad I realized it & nipped it in the bud before it got out of hand.

So that's my thought of today. I posted it in my journal last night but wanted to expand upon it. Well, I guess I only sort of did that.

My promise to my Dad was that I would always stay healthy (of course...only talking of what is in my control.) Resorting to extremes is not healthy & will not serve my body any purpose towards that goal.

It's nice to squash thoughts. It's nice to know that I still am in control & can exercise that control over stinkin' thinkin'! It's nice to know that there are people in my life...some of whom I've never met in person that can really make me think, support me no matter what but will equally give me that reality check that I need whenever I need it. Those of you who are that source in my life...thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Rear View, part 2

So a while back, I had been talking with a friend about what I did for training when I was training for races (half & full marathons.) For the life of me, I could not find those training journals...

....until today. It was the oddest thing but there it was right under my nose. The verdict? I did a lot of cardio. I biked, I ran, I did the elliptical (maintaining running pace) & then I tossed in a few weight workouts every few days. I did mostly upper/lower splits or full body workouts. Training days included 30 minutes of cardio & on non-training days included 45 minutes of cardio with abs added on (either at the gym or my ol' standby tape.) I should note that most weeks had 2 off days.

Where am I going with this? Well, I'm going to start doing it again. That schedule is when I felt my best. I was never exhausted, I was comfortable in my own skin, running races (my last full marathon is in this log) & I still gave myself rest days. I was also doing Weight Watchers at that time.

This is my rear view that I tried to do a while back but life didnt cooperate with me finding that journal. Now it's in hand & I will go back to what had me feeling my best.

Oh & to go along with the lines of one thing after another...today I slammed my hand on the doornob in my Dad's office leaving a lovely purple-ish lump. So my thought is that God really wants me to appreciate vacation when it rolls around. Trust me, I will, now can you take this headache away?!?

Trail mix good, migraines bad!

So yesterday I continued to battle the migraine that started on Saturday. All I could do was cry because I felt helpless & it just hurt. Kevin was amazing & had to fend for us for dinner. He cooked McDonald's! lol It hit the spot & served it's purpose. I was in bed by 830pm after dozing on the couch most of the evening.

Today finds me just feeling beat up with the after affects of it all. I took today off from the gym but will attempt a run tomorrow morning with Kev.

I'm concerned about the toe (read yesterday's TJ's incident.) I have no doubt that it'll rub & become irritated from as a result. My solution is to slap a band-aid on it & deal with any "icky-ness" after the run. I will NOT let this stop me!

I may have overdone some trail mix tonight but it was tasty! Sweet, savory & tart mix from Trader Joe's is my fave. I had to pitch the rest though to keep my mitts out of it! lol

Nothing much else going on with me. Two weeks from tomorrow, we head out & I'm 100% counting down! Kevin's actually getting excited now too that it's closer.

I really want to say how much I appreciate the comments on the blogs too. You guys give me things to think about & help me through things without even knowing it!

Have a fantastic week!

Weekend update.

Here's a good quote to sum it all up for you...

"i am having a bad day! the worst damn day of my whole damn life! if it is not too much to ask will you all just back the **** off!"

So the whole weekend wasnt that bad but it certainly progressed to something that I could have lived without! Rewind....

Saturday morning I slept in then went for a long-ish run with Kevin. We felt great & enjoyed the weather. I get my stuff ready to go then head out but not before checking my oil. Glad I checked...it needed attention. Jiffy Lube to the rescue.

Head down the road & realize that I forgot to print directions from the hotel to the show venue (I was going the Fitness America Midwest show.) So Kevin agrees to get me where I need to be.

Traffic got pretty heavy in the city with marathon weekend on top of typical Chicago weekend traffic. No biggie...I take a detour (self-directed) & eventually end up at the hotel. At that time it was around 3ish & I'd not had a meal all days...just a few HG fudge pieces.

I shower, Kevin gets me situated & I'm off to find some food. Nothing seems appealing when you are that hungry. A nagging headache tells me to EAT NOW! So I finally settle on Culver's after driving around a while.

Head to the show, visit with friends I've not seen in a while. It was nice. EXCEPT the DJ was a tool & had the music blaring. After about 2 hours, I realized a migraine was setting in. I skip out after they announce the bikini short class winners (congrats Jill on a 2nd place!) She & Carrie worked it & did fantastic. So glad to cheer them on!

Anyway, there are not Walgreen's on every corner in Schaumburg like there are here in NW Indiana. I was about 5 minutes from finding an emergency room. Head was like someone was hitting me with a sledgehammer. Sight was not good & I was starting to feel like I was going to throw up.

I find the Meijer's I passed on the way in & finally got some Excedrin migraine. Downed 2 before I ever walk out of the store. Make my way back to the hotel, cry myself to sleep (which didnt help the head btw.)

Wake to find that my head still hurts, shower & hit the road.

Truck doesnt want to start. Great right? I finally get it going, get gas & get on the road. I had two planned stops (Whole Foods & Trader Joe's.) Successfully make those although feared the truck wasnt going to start. It was iffy so I decide not to make any potty stops (brutal!)

Oh wait, I forgot to tell you about the stop at TJ's. I get my cart & head in the door. Being the klutz that I am, I stub my toe on the cart. Thinking nothing of it until I look down & see blood along with my toenail hanging off. YIKES! Super sweet girl...Jess at the Downer's Grove store does her first aid magic & fixes me up.

Finally get home & call Dad to diagnose the truck. Sounds like the battery so off to Walmart I go. Bad cell in the battery they tell me so now I'm fixed up there too.

I decided I needed to escape the world so I headed to Planet Beach for a 20 min hydromassage, 30 min hydrostation treatment & HP tanning. Trying to nap but it's not working...head is still throbbing.

So yep, not such a great weekend after all. It's unfortunate it ended this way but I think that it'll make me appreciate vacation so much more. We leave just 2 weeks from Tuesday.

Calgon take me away!

Wars & Pampering

Yes, it's an odd title for a blog but it's a pretty good description of how I've spent the last couple hours.

Let's start with the great part of the evening. I posted in my journal about Planet Beach. For those that didnt see that. It's a tanning salon & spa all rolled into one. They offer a hydration station, lumiere facials, hydromassage, mystic tan & UV tanning beds as well. Now the deal is that for the cost of $70 per month you can use ANY of these services on an UNLIMITED basis monthly. Nope you didnt read that wrong. I can use any of it, as often as I'd like & even as many services as I want in one trip!!!

So tonight I used my free service & joined. I opted for the Hydration station which actually reminds me of a spaceship but it has infrared lights & steam that just soaks you. The temp of the pod heats to 116 degrees. It also applies moisturizers & tanning prep to your skin. It was awesome.

Next on tap for my trip was the Velocity High Powered tanning bed. It's a strange contraption & it's open concept tanning. Ideal for fair skin & can be used just 2-4 times a month for a very light color. You feel like you are floating on a cloud laying on the clear "bed" but it's pretty cool.

Now before anyone scolds me for tanning. It's my only vice. I'm not doing it to be uber tan but I dont like being pasty white anymore. I'm only going a couple times a week until we go to Florida then will continue just once a week. Okay...enough of that! lol

I headed to Barnes & Nobles from there, got some green tea & read some magazines. The whole time I was there, I was fixated on having something sweet. Hello pumpkin cheesecake! But I resisted.

Then I decided I'd go to the Rocky Mountain Candy Factory for a treat. Resisted again (was even in the shopping center.

Leave there & go to Target to get my script. Stalk Halloween candy, stalk the clearance treat end cap, stalk trail mix (come on girls.....you know what I'm talking about) then hit the candy aisle. Nothing.

Get home & still searching. Yes, I'm in fact hungry so I ate the freebie Kashi cookie sample that I got in the mail. Oatmeal Chocolate Chunk by the way is tasty!

Why am I fighting so hard to avoid a treat? Because I know I want to get a good cookie at Whole Foods tomorrow. Yes, I can have treats both nights if I want but I am chosing to not indulge both days. Am I still hungry? Yep so I'm sucking down some water & will find some real food here shortly.

I realized that I'm really battling the demons that want me to binge. It's a struggle on some days & not a big deal on others. Please read the blog listed to the side called "Kiss My Glutes" for some very real information about binging. Once you develop the disorder, it's always there & will truly never go away. You'll have to fight it sometimes but it's okay because it makes us stronger.

This weekend (tomorrow actually) I'm headed to watch friends compete in the Fitness America Midwest show. I think it may be hard to be there mentally knowing how much I loved competing but also how much my body has been affected as a result. Just being honest. But I fully intend to hold my head high regardless & be there to support them in spite of it all.

So that's the story of the day. Be good to yourselves ladies because if you arent then others may not be so inclined to do so either!

Be safe this weekend!

Rear view

Another fantastic run this morning. It was around 3.2 (thank you g-maps pedometer) & I was done in just under 32 minutes. It was a solo run today that helped me clear my head.

This week at WW we talked about soups & how you can toss pretty much anything into a pot for a fast, easy & filling meal.

I missed last week's meeting (had the time wrong in my head) but she reviewed & they talked about using your rear view. Basically what that means is when you are struggling, hit a plateau or have had a backslide for whatever reason, then you need to look back at what you did in the past that works. It was an a-ha moment of sorts for me because I'm living that at this moment.

I competed, had a blast & was a success in my mind. After that, I executed the plan to bring me out of contest mode but that's when it went wrong. My body was ticked at me & my metabolism had tanked. Fast forward to the very necessary metabolic repair program & the 10 pounds I gained with that (tacked onto the 10 I'd already gained while backing out of my diet.) I stepped away from that program & inadvertantly used my rear view.

I went back to WW because it's what worked. Once a Lifetime member, always a Lifetime member. Even our leaders & receptionists have had to use their rear view. One in fact is 3 pounds over goal at the moment because she's running this Sunday's Chicago Marathon. Her body is at a point where it's also ticked at her. She knows it & realizes it'll be fine once the running is scaled back.

Anyway, I encourage anyone to use their rear view. There are lots of programs out there & you just have to find what works for you. Low carb, low fat, whatever. WW at one point a few years back even offered a higher protein option for diet. It's easy to get sucked into this diet or that diet especially when you participate in fitness forums. Sometimes those places just lead to bad things with folks who are not comfortable in their own skin so look back at what worked best for you & do it.

You'll find your success & enjoy life more that way!

Ramblings and catch up...

Today finds me continuing to reflect on the past & where life has taken me.

Sunday would have been my brother's 34th birthday. He's still 8 years old in my head & always will be. I miss him. It's harder now with Mom gone too. This week also marks the anniversary of his death. It was a family curse as my Mom called it. Many family members died within days of their birthdays. Craig was another person to follow in that tradition.

So to say I've been feeling down would be an understatement. I feel on the brink of tears at most moments & it sucks. I hate feeling this way but I know it'll pass.

Yesterday was my 2 year anniversary with Kevin. We had a great weekend & didnt do anything special yesterday. We have Orlando planned & leave just 3 weeks from today so that's our time to celebrate. I did make dinner on Sunday although in my little funk, I burned his steak. Thankfully, I like mine rare so was able to salvage that one for his plate.

On the weight loss front, things are going well. I'm keeping up with a loss of about 2 pounds a week & am very happy with that. I feared that my body was not ready for loss yet so this is a good thing! I'm sticking 100% to my points target during the week then having more open weekends. I actually look at the weekends as a refeed of sorts. I've been monitoring my daily temp too & that's keeping within a normal range. Good news all around!

Running is also going well! We ran this morning for about 35 minutes. Ran for 40 minutes on Sunday. Race day #1 is Thanksgiving with a 6 miler & we'll be fine. I'll need to come up with a training plan soon for the half marathon in the spring. I also need to get with the girls that want to run a race together in the Spring. Can't wait for that!

I think that's my recap for now. Probably missed something but that probably just means it wasnt that important. Or it could just mean that I'm spacey today! :)