Thursday, October 23, 2008

Catching up!

Well, it's a been a bit since I've updated the blog. I realized I got in spurts between here & my online journal. So as promised, here's an update for those not reading there too.

Kevin & I are just days away from our Orlando vacation. We are staying just a mile from Universal Studios & will spend a couple days there then a day at Disney. Our tickets also include Wet & Wild so we may play there as well! Our trip is a full 6 days & I'm very excited.

Before leaving for vacation though, I'm heading to St. Charles, IL to watch friends compete in the Continental bodybuilding & figure show. It'll be exciting to see everyone again & cheer on those that cheered for me along my road to the stage too. Go Amber, Jill, Andrea & Team MVP!

As for me, this Sunday was a "missing Mom" day. Church service was about recovery. Not just addictions recovery but also from grief, anger or anything really that has taken some sort of control over your life. I realized in that service that I'm really still pisssed about Mom's death. It's hard to not be honestly. It was untimely & perhaps could have been avoided had she taken better care of herself. I'm not mad at her anymore (that lasted a while though) but I'm still mad at God. He knows though & wont leave my side regardless. I'm considering talking to a counselor at church in the coming months. I know it'll help but I'm not ready for that yet. But as she said to my best friend the other day "what are you waiting for?" I dont know...I'll get back to you on that.

Fitness goals are on track, I suppose. I'm really soooooooooooooo sick of worrying about every single thing that goes into my mouth that I'm just honestly eating. Trying to make the most healthful choices 90% of the time, not letting myself get too hungry so my blood sugar doesnt tank & allowing myself to still enjoy life. You can bet your paycheck that I'll be enjoying vacation but again will make healthful choices when able to! I'm looking ahead to the end of the year as my "target date" for being back at my goal. That's plenty of time & doesnt make me feel pressured to get there either.

I suppose that catches me up. It'll be a busy weekend leading up to our departure on Tuesday. I wont be updating this while we are gone but will cough up some pics & a vacation recap when I'm setting back at home.

Take care all!!


krispy1138 said...

Your comments about your mom's death really hit home for me, Heather. My mother was diagnosed with brain cancer in 12/01 and was gone by 3/02. It was so far along that she never really stood a chance, but even if she did, I don't think she had it in her to fight it. She had to have known something was wrong, but she was a heavy smoker and didn't like to go to the doctor because they would tell her to quit. Anyway, I understand what you mean about the anger.

Krissa said...

I hope you have a great vacation! It sounds like you deserve one right now.

I dont have much advice for you regarding your mom. I dont know what happened. But I will say that talking to a counselour is a great idea. But talk to God more. A year ago I was praying at night and it hit me. I thought to myself, "Why am I doing this? Why am I talking to someone I am not for sure if I even like right now?" I realized I was mad at God. I broke down in tears. This came out of nowhere but I am so glad it happened. I am a nurse and I see a lot of sad stuff. I just dont understand illness very well. My mother is also blind and I have a hard time accepting that too. But I have spent the past year trying to get to know God and accept that I am not supposed to understand everything.

On the fitness front: You still doing WW?

vanessa40 said...

Hope you have a wonderful time on your trip