Mini-update & Isagenix

I guess I lied when I said I would be back soon! ;) I am back though & making some major changes in my life. For the better, of course!

First off, I have been enjoying a break from all things baby though every time I turn around, someone else is pregnant or telling me they are going to start trying. This week is hard since our first little one would be welcomed into the world. I don't know how others who have miscarried handle it but I just keep thing about how much life would have changed this week. Sweet baby will always be in our hearts!

Fitness is finally back ON! I spent the whole month of July training hard, getting in my cardio & eating well but nothing seemed to change. Enter August & I decided to try something that I'd been reading about for MONTHS!

Kevin & I are doing well. Gearing up for another Halloween adventure in Orlando. We are calling it our delayed anniversary trip ;) And yes, we will be off to Halloween Horror Nights once again! I CAN'T WAIT!! haha

Molly is becoming quite the handful too. She's almost 27 pounds now & about 4.5 months old. We are definitely in the naughty puppy phase with her & started puppy school 2 weeks ago then were off for the holiday. But she is doing well with the skills she learned just that first night. I laugh & say I would be good too if you were bribing me with food ;) Here's a picture of her favorite sleeping position. Classy, eh? lol



*enter total commercial sounding blurb*

I decided to start using Isagenix products after seeing some friends & teammates benefit from them. They are a whole foods type supplement in the form of proteins, meal replacement, vitamin paks, non-depleting cleanses, etc. I have been using them for a month now after being stuck & have dropped 9 pounds, sleeping better, recovering faster from workouts & just feeling overall better. I had a friend decide to try them by just using the shakes & after a week she felt great. She's now using what is called the Athlete's Pak & feeling better than ever.

Was I skeptical? Oh yes, just because someone says it's great doesn't always mean it will be. I actually figured I'd get my month's worth of stuff, not like it & cancel. I was wrong. I know there are folks who read this & think that I'm nuts (actually, I have had negative comments made both directly & I'm sure ones that I'm not aware of) but I can only say that you can only know if you try something for yourself. It's a little pricey for the products & what can be certified organic is (like the protein.) I am actually saving money at the grocery store by just replacing 2 meals a day (eating 5-6 times daily most days) with shakes.

The other benefit is that I'm earning some residual income now too from the company. It's actually going to be my vacation spending money then will pay for my monthly products (which was my initial goal.)

Why am I sharing this? Yes, I'm an Isagenix Consultant & yes, I am earning residual income. But my purpose in sharing is because I feel so great using this product & I want others to feel this way too.

Want to know more?
Isagenix
Isagenix Health (where you can find out how Isagenix could help your health issues)

One of the main reasons, I was comfortable using this stuff is because it is safe for breastfeeding & pregnancy (not the deep cleanse.) I have friends that utilized the products during both times & I would not use anything now that I could not use then.

This blog is not going to turn into the Isagenix blog but I wanted to share what I am doing now. Please let me know if you are interested & I can provide you additional information (either by commenting with your contact info or completing the "contact me" section on the Isa website (top right corner.)

I *hope* to get back to blogging more regularly. At least once a week is my goal. We'll see how that goes! Enjoy your weekend!!!

Hi!

Be back real soon. Lots of stuff going on, life is better & I will catch everyone up soon. But in the meantime, look who came home a couple months ago ;)

Meet Molly!

Bad cropping on this picture but I wanted to introduce you to the newest member of our family. Our little goldendoodle!!!! We picked her out the day before we learned that we lost the baby. She'll come home in a couple weeks. (you can click the picture to see her better!)

Clearly, she will be a welcomed addition to our home (well, not sure the cat will think so) & will provide us a lot of joy....even when she's having accidents on the carpet. Housebreaking will commence from day 1!

As for me, I'm healing. I had a complication this week but it seems to have passed & I am better (will spare you the TMI but if you really want to know then comment & I am happy to email you.) It was scary though!

Thank you SO much for the kind comments about the loss. I am so humbled by people's kindness. Your prayers are greatly appreciated. I will say that initially I wanted to not try anymore but that's just silly. God does not put desires in our hearts that are not meant to be. My doctor is doing additional testing on the baby (reason I had another D&C) & I will have extensive blood work done next week. She truly feels nothing is wrong but since our losses were so close she is able to do it. I will keep the blog updated!

UPDATE: I just got word that we will be bringing Molly home on Friday!!!! We are not ready for her but will be by then! haha

Broken.

I am emotionally & spiritually broken. We learned today that we have yet again lost a baby. This on the heels of picking out the most adorable goldendoodle puppy that we will bring home in a few weeks. We had NO idea what a blessing she would be.

I go in for surgery in the morning. I don't know when or if I will be back to blogging. Someday, I hope.

I appreciate you all keeping up with my ramblings.

I've been keeping a secret.....

Yes, it's true. I'm pregnant again!!!!!!! I've wanted to share for weeks but I'd chicken out. It's not like you can jinx yourself but being pregnant RIGHT after a miscarriage is scary.

We actually got a positive test on April 21st. I had NO idea when it happened but it was so faint that we would've been quite entertaining to watch as we turned that little test strip 50 different ways to see if we were hallucinating! haha

The scary part was that I started bleeding on Saturday (just 2 days after we found out.) Since it was so early on, we didn't go to the ER but I called the doctor on Monday & they got me in right away. Over the next few (LONG & AGONIZING) days, they did betas & much to our excitement, we were not only pregnant but my levels tripled (never fear..only one baby in there!) A week later, they check again, tripled but found my progesterone a bit low so I've been on suppositories since then.

I had an ultrasound on May 16 & I was able to see my little lentil along with it's most beautiful flickering heart. Based on my last cycle, I would've been 7w4d (exactly when the first baby stopped growing) but this one was measuring 5w5d. Completely fine because I know my cycles are long so there was no way I was that far along. We went from a December 29 due date to January 11th. So as of today, I'm 8 weeks, 2 days & counting.

This pregnancy has been MUCH different. I am constantly tired & actually sleeping ALL the time (last time was major insomnia!) & I'm sick ALL the time. Food only helps for about an hour so while I'm eating often, I'm not eating large amounts. I get full fast.

And because all my summer stuff was too big in October when we went to Orlando, I'd gotten rid of it all. So I've already had to shift into a few maternity bottoms but wow are they comfy so I don't care!

I held out on announcing this here because I know a few people from church subscribe (though I don't know if they even read) so I kept it quiet. We are NOT going public until my next appt on June 14. We will then share with our close friends & extended families but there will be no FB announcement so if we are friends there, please keep my secret.

At some point, I will talk about all the anxiety that comes with being pregnant after a loss (literally, we had one cycle again & BAM!) Clearly, we have NO fertility issues there. I am praying daily with my hand on my tummy for this baby to just keep growing. At conception, it's already decided so while it's not in our hands, I turn to the One who has that control for comfort.

Ozzy moments.

Dad's girlfriend, Daddy & me being my usual self after my wedding. Why would he say I ruined the picture?????

When I say Ozzy, I do NOT mean Ozzy & Harriet. More like Ozzy Osbourne because are currently riding the crazy train in our house! We are in the process of selling my house, another HUGE thing going on (can't share right now) & gearing up for a busy time for us. We are camping with my BIL & his family for the holiday weekend then we have (in order) a wedding, my Dad's Petty racing experience at Joliet Speedway, another wedding & exhale...... We'll have one free weekend until my SIL & her family come in a for a busy 4th of July weekend. And you know what?? I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My apologies for my absence. Just can't fully share what's happening right now (public blog & all) but prayers would be great if you are the praying kind. We can use all the good thoughts, karma & prayers that we can get!!!

How are you??? Anything that I can be praying for on your behalf????

Whew!

SOOOOOOOOOOO much going on right now! Hope to share soon!

Thank you Lord.

For the sacrifice you made for MY sins. You suffered, died & rose again for us all but I am reminded that you would have still done it even if only for me.

Humbly praising you with a thankful heart for the eternal gift.

Have a Blessed Easter everyone!!

Help!

He's creepy, eh? So here's a fun shift of gears for you. I need your help. What are your favorite Easter recipes???? I'm making dinner for us, maybe my inlaws & Dad with his girlfriend. I'm planning for ham, glazed carrots & Kevin's requested scalloped potatoes.

Any good recipes that you want to share with me????

Help a sister out ;)

And btw, thank you all once again for so much amazing support. I'm feeling better & now playing the waiting game to see if this is our month. God's plan....

Today I cried.

So today we went to the gym, I went to the store, came home & we got yardwork done (finally!) It's a beautiful 80 degree day with the sun shining, breeze blowing, intense storms coming later. Thanked the Lord for today & what it will bring.

But as I got ready after showering, I was digging through my clothes to get dressed. I put on things that were too big for me as I met my goals at the end of last year & reality set in. I'm right back to where I started.

Yes, I got pregnant. Yes, I had to seriously cut back on my workouts. Yes, I had a miscarriage. Our close friends & family know this but to most.... I just look fat again. I'm so so sad today. No baby. Just fat. I do not like what I see. I've tried to diet it away to fail. Not because I'm eating too much. In fact, I'm probably eating less most days. But the scale creeps up every.single.week. I don't know what to do so I cried as I dried my hair. Then came into the front room (my sitting room, eventually a nursery) & avoided Kevin for a few minutes so dry my eyes & clear up my red face. He knows what I'm feeling but really doesn't know what to say. I don't like myself right now but am still trying to trust that God is preparing my body. Perhaps I was too lean but now? Just feeling fat.

Still here.

Hey all! I'm sorry for my absence. Life got a hold of me & while things are mostly good, things happen.

*A VERY good friend of ours had a heart attack. At 35. He's fine now (with the help of 2 stents) but it was quite the scare. We are very grateful to be attending his surprise birthday party tomorrow night.

*Something happened at home the other night that really hurt my feelings. It was NOT intentional & I'm overly sensitive (certain that Mom would tell me that) but still took me a couple days to feel better. Hubby thankfully is fully aware of how I deal with things so gave me space yesterday & today is back to normal.

*He's also been sick this week so that puts baby-making on hold but I trust that in God's plan for us. Something tells me that this is part of it!!!

*I ran into a friend this weekend at a local race who I'd not see in a while (kind of a friend of a friend deal) so we chatted. She'd heard about the miscarriage & said she has a strong feeling that his time was our time. Then proceeded to tell me that she felt TWINS!!! Jen is a faithful believer & she gets "words" if you will. Those are two that popped into her mind during our talk. And for what it's worth, she's always spot on. I'm not telling Kevin ;)

*That's it for now but if you are curious about anything, feel free to ask :)

And exhale.

Totally harder than it sounds but with much prayer & being literally carried by God in the last 6 weeks, I can finally let out a HUGE sigh of relief. This week has been SO hard & I've not felt like myself AT ALL.


This was almost as funny as me thanking Jesus this morning when it was confirmed that I got my period again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, it was a tease last night & I had some slight spotting but this morning the relief was there. After a VERY long 6 weeks of waiting to heal, knowing I was ovulating (and couldn't "try") & all the crazy hormonal changes that came along with it all, I feel like I can exhale.

We are definitely going to start trying, well, once this is all done ;) lol Sorry for the TMI but it's my life, my blog & my ramblings. Not to mention, some of you have been through this & some might someday (though I pray that you never experience this) & come across this blog in googling. So I hope my sharing helps. I'm excited to move to the next phase & am prayerful that we get lucky enough to conceive again so quickly. It is in God's hands & we accept that but also truly believe that we'd not have been given a taste of parenthood if it were not meant for our future.

Hope you are all well & again, greatly appreciate the support.

Getting back to me

Creepy, eh? It's from our Orlando trip (yes, back around Halloween.) That was in an area of Horror Nights called Saws & Steam. The premise was that there was a shortage of water in the city (NY) & they were killing folks to power "the machine." We are made of a lot of water you know ;) I lurked on an Orlando forum & that guy was a member. Fun to meet him & people watch in this Scare Zone. Have I mentioned I'm terrified of chainsaws & stayed on the sidewalk in this area? They couldn't chase you there! hahaha Wuss.

So why am I sharing this? Well, that's the time that I was at my goal weight (yes, it comes to that always doesn't it?) & where I felt my best. I was comfortably wearing my 8's & just felt great about me.

I want to get back there yet my body is still fighting with me. No period yet either. I'm hopeful it's coming soon because I've had PMS for 2 weeks now (including a RIDICULOUS amount of bloat.) The scale has started creeping down again VERY slowly but I'll take it since I'm still not at 100%. Though I said I wasn't going to, I went ahead & signed up for WW online again just to have some tracking. I'm not being OCD about it but it's helping me log my choices even if I go over in "points."

I'm in the gym 3-4 days a week. I was doing cardio & started back to FB workouts but my body didn't like that. I hurt. I've taken breaks before but this time was different & my body didn't bounce back like it used to. So this week is cardio only again (& may just do that until I get my period.) I'm afraid of over-stressing my body & while I know it's a machine, I have to remmeber it's been through A LOT! I actually notice the most scale success on the days I DON'T workout (well that next morning.)

The reality? I gained 7 pounds while pregnant. I bloated 7 more when the PMS symptoms kicked in. I've now lost 2 of that so I'm on my way. My body has been through a lot so I'm trying to respect that but along the way back, I'd like to get back to where I feel my best. We plan to start trying again once we are able (just waiting for my period) & with God's blessing will conceive again quickly. If I never lose another ounce so be it. I shared with a friend that it was pretty clear that I was over-training leading up to pregnancy & while I felt good & never run down, my body responded once I had to back down.

My plan for now is just to do 3-4 days a week with FB & cardio, eat well (tracking but not being OCD) & honor my body so it's ready for baby again.

Hope you are all well. So appreciate the support that comes & while I may have lost some readers along the way from not being consistent lately, I do appreciate those that check in on me :)

Have a FABULOUS weekend & BOILER UP! ;)

Trying.

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa Of Calcutta

Seems fitting for not only myself but another friend (actually two) at the moment. I have been doing okay but it seems that everywhere I turn I run into a brick wall. Pregnancies everywhere, baby showers, stuff in general. A friend's husband OD'd...again. And today a very good friend called to tell me they were also unable to find their baby's heartbeat. :( My heart breaks for her. There was a group of Kevin's friends that got married in a row (we were #2.) All of us were pregnant (in reverse wedding order) then I miscarried & now the first married couple has also miscarried (she was 2 weeks behind me.)

I'm having a hard time because I still feel in limbo. I'm finally getting a negative HPT (doing them weekly as it's my only sign of dropped levels.) So I am thinking that I'm ovulating now & will start in the next 2 weeks. Fingers crossed. We'll start trying after that period.

I guess that's it. Nothing upbeat, nothing exciting, just being right now but I thought I'd update with that.


Thank you all so much for your thoughts, prayers & comments.

I found this poster on Etsy & it pretty much sums it all up. I'm feeling better & my hormones are dropping slowly but surely. My boobs don't hurt anymore, I'm finally sleeping through the night & I just am starting to feel like "me" again. I have my follow up from the D&C with my doctor on Wednesday & am PRAYING that I get the all clear to not only resume workouts (I'm going to spontaneously combust if she says no) but also to resume "other" activities ;) I miss my husband in that way!!! Not to sound all horn-doggy but I just miss that part of our relationship. And our 1 year wedding anniversary is coming up too. I can't believe it's gone so fast!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your sweet comments, support & encouragement. It's appreciated more than you can know. I'll get back to blogging more regularly soon (I hope.)

Hoping you are all well & enjoying some nice weather where you are!!!! Feel free to tell me how you are too...I've been sucking at keeping up with blogs lately!

Much love & prayers for a wonderful week ahead!!!

Well.

There's really no easy way to say this. I've had a miscarriage :( I'm heartbroken & devastated but really leaning on God. In fact, I asked him yesterday to carry me for a while.

I ended up in the ER on Sunday afternoon after a gush of blood (sorry for the TMI) & after a very long hour in ultrasound was later told that the baby stopped growing around 8 weeks which was when I experienced the "old blood" discharge. I had a D&C yesterday (at what would've been 10 weeks) & am just resting at home now.

My heart hurts but I can understand that this was not our baby to keep. We got pregnant so fast (after one cycle) so we are encouraged that it'll happen again when we are given the okay. Not to mention the science that shows you are more fertile in the 6 months following a miscarriage. There is also an encouraging study about the very high rate of successful pregnancies that occur after a first pregnancy miscarriage.

So we are hopeful, keeping faith & turning to God A LOT! Prayers would be GREATLY appreciated!

Dear sleep, I miss you!

The insomnia continues. Well, I guess it could be considered that but in reality I'm just wide awake after 5-6 hours a night. So, I do my best to stay up past 8pm but it's SO hard! That leaves me a zombie all day long unless I can catch a little sleep before Kevin gets out of bed.
(these guys were just too cute!)

Speaking of cats, mine has been glued to my side. I noticed him being uber clingy but that was before I learned I was pregnant. He's up my rear, has to sleep on me or be touching me & is acting like a creeper. I'll be laying on the couch & he just sits there watching me! haha Creeper kitty!

Other than sleep issues, I'm doing well & feeling good. I had a little scare with some discharge this weekend that freaked me out though totally normal. So my doctor's office moved up my appointment to next week for "peace of mind." haha I think that translates to "crazy preggo calling." I'm SO excited to hear a heartbeat & see the little bean via ultrasound!!!! I'm certain I'll cry at both. I think it'll make it more real for Kevin too :)

And I've taken a bit of a gym break too. I may not work out the rest of this trimester but will play it by ear. I feel like a slug yet am enjoying the break honestly. I wish it was nicer outside to just walk in the neighborhood but that won't happen for a bit. I have the rest of my life to exercise so not putting pressure on myself at the moment.

Hope you are all well. Anything exciting happening with you??? And from the bottom of my heart, a sincere thank you for all the well wishes!!!! The lentil & I appreciate it :)

Just like that.

I feel pregnant!!! That was Monday. My boobs were bigger (heavier) & my waist appeared to be thicker. We won't even talk about the bloat that was partially caused from pregnancy & partially caused from eating out so much with wake/funeral stuff. So today, just to make sure I wasn't crazy, I busted out the tape measure. Yep...everything has increased...boobs, waist, tummy.

And you know what? I love it. Why? It's signs that I'm really & truly pregnant. Some will look at me & just think I've put on a few pounds (yes, it's visible) because my jeans are a little tight, clearly a muffin top over my gym stretchies & my tummy is pooched.

I will embrace the new thickness & know that I'm baking a baby. I swear I'll talk more about other stuff too but indulge me for a little while as I just take this all in still ;)

And so it begins......

Thank you all SO much for the well wishes :) I'm still so excited & honestly have been feeling great. If you missed it, I had a BIG announcement!!!!

Here's what I'm experiencing this far....

1) Lack of sleep!!!!

Seriously, I wake up in the middle of the night (3am, 2am & the other night actually 1230am!!!) I'm up for a couple hours..wide awake, mind you...then doze for about an hour or so before Kevin gets up. This morning (Saturday) I woke at 215 & am still up (it's 5am now.) Yea, that's my current fun! haha

2) Food aversions

Roast beef (which I LOVE)
Hot dogs (this is rough at the VU games)
Frozen mango (made me gag)

3) Sore boobs

My aunt referred to it as "gorilla biting them." Kinda fitting. Just tender. I read that wearing a bra all the time might help a little but in reality, there's not much there anyway! haha

4) Nausea

It's not horrible all the time but I have my bouts of bad or just annoying. My MIL keeps asking me if I've thrown up yet. No & hoping that never happens! My nausea seems to happen more when I'm starting to get hungry so I try to not let that happen!!!

5) (TMI) Potty stuff

I'm not ever "regular" but it so happens that I have been in the last couple weeks. I thought it was odd then found out I was pregnant then it was MORE odd since that typically causes the opposite effect. Strange indeed (anyone else had that happen?)

6) Weight & appetite

Not gaining (yet) but I feel like I'm eating like a horse & staying the same now. I got back down to my "goal" & have stayed there since I found out. I'm constantly hungry & have to eat to kill the growling every couple hours! I think Kevin's going to install a trough soon! LOL (kidding....)

7) Smell

My nose has been replaced with that of a bloodhound. I smell EVERYTHING & it's intense.

Next appointment is on February 7th & I pray that we can hear the heartbeat. BUT I've already been warned by my doctor that since the due date is a guess that if we can't hear it then she'll send me for an ultrasound to better gauge how far along I am.

It's really hard to not worry about things happening though when I find myself even starting to go there I remember that it's not doing anyone (me or the Little Lentil) any good so I just pray. Sounds hokey but it refocuses my mind. I know that what is to happen in my life will happen & if I'm doing everything the way I should be then the rest is just out of my control.

So that's it on that for now. We have a busy weekend ahead. Kevin's grandmother passed away on Wednesday morning so we'll be with his family all weekend. We visited her on Monday night & were able to tell her about the baby. She was very weak but smiled big. Edith was a sweet woman & loved to laugh. She will be dearly missed!!!!

Have a great weekend!!!

Oh baby!

I got one of these: Okay truth is I have a few of those..who really does only one?

And now we're having one of these....
(my niece Emma at my bridal shower)

It's safe to say that we are super super excited but equally shocked that I got pregnant SO fast especially since we just started trying the end of October. My SIL & best friend both said (unbeknownst to each other) that they felt like it would work out this way & I also felt that in my heart but never thought it would be this quick.

So while I'm still early on (only 6 weeks now,) I still wanted to share on the blog. Only one friend who is local reads the blog (and she now knows) & none of my family so it's safe. We are sharing our news with family & friends though but not doing the whole Facebook public service announcement until we are further along (another month or so.) So those of you who are my FB friend, I ask that you keep this news off there. Please & thank you :)

I am feeling good other than lack of sleep (wide awake in the middle of the night), sore boobs that seem to be getting worse by the day & nausea that kicked in last night with a vengeance!

My goal obviously is to keep active & eat well during this pregnancy but I'm by NO means going crazy. I've actually lost several pounds in the last week since I found out & have been eating more. Weight gain will happen & I'll welcome it knowing the end result is a happy little chubber!

All of this, of course, makes me really miss my Mom. I can imagine that she's super excited even though she's not with us. And something about it all makes me feel SO much closer to God. A child is a gift like no other from God. And I daily thank him for our little lentil!

Moving forward I suspect this will be a big ol' preggo blog but you know me so I'll ramble about other stuff too. So my apologies if the blabber of it all drives some away but I suspect you'll come back in September to catch a glimpse of Baby B ;)

Teaser

Things might be changing a bit on the blog. But that's really all I'm saying for now ;)