Next on tap for my trip was the Velocity High Powered tanning bed. It's a strange contraption & it's open concept tanning. Ideal for fair skin & can be used just 2-4 times a month for a very light color. You feel like you are floating on a cloud laying on the clear "bed" but it's pretty cool.
Now before anyone scolds me for tanning. It's my only vice. I'm not doing it to be uber tan but I dont like being pasty white anymore. I'm only going a couple times a week until we go to Florida then will continue just once a week. Okay...enough of that! lol
I headed to Barnes & Nobles from there, got some green tea & read some magazines. The whole time I was there, I was fixated on having something sweet. Hello pumpkin cheesecake! But I resisted.
Then I decided I'd go to the Rocky Mountain Candy Factory for a treat. Resisted again (was even in the shopping center.
Leave there & go to Target to get my script. Stalk Halloween candy, stalk the clearance treat end cap, stalk trail mix (come on girls.....you know what I'm talking about) then hit the candy aisle. Nothing.
Get home & still searching. Yes, I'm in fact hungry so I ate the freebie Kashi cookie sample that I got in the mail. Oatmeal Chocolate Chunk by the way is tasty!
Why am I fighting so hard to avoid a treat? Because I know I want to get a good cookie at Whole Foods tomorrow. Yes, I can have treats both nights if I want but I am chosing to not indulge both days. Am I still hungry? Yep so I'm sucking down some water & will find some real food here shortly.
I realized that I'm really battling the demons that want me to binge. It's a struggle on some days & not a big deal on others. Please read the blog listed to the side called "Kiss My Glutes" for some very real information about binging. Once you develop the disorder, it's always there & will truly never go away. You'll have to fight it sometimes but it's okay because it makes us stronger.
This weekend (tomorrow actually) I'm headed to watch friends compete in the Fitness America Midwest show. I think it may be hard to be there mentally knowing how much I loved competing but also how much my body has been affected as a result. Just being honest. But I fully intend to hold my head high regardless & be there to support them in spite of it all.
So that's the story of the day. Be good to yourselves ladies because if you arent then others may not be so inclined to do so either!
Be safe this weekend!
4 comments:
Great job on resisting all the goddies. I am sure Monster Trail Mix is considered a necessity though...you might want to check on that FAST!!
I know you are having fun at FAP- I would love to be there
(competing or watching!)
Amen! I swear the "beast" always lies within when you develop an ED. It's always there, lurking beneath your skin, in your mind. Keeping it at bay and keeping it from invading your heart and soul is the hardest part. I fight with "her" constantly...although mind is not so much a binger as she was a purger. There were times when "she" would eat as little as a few bites of something and then force "herself" to throw it up. No wonder my throat nearly ripped to shreds.
On a much lighter note: I got the freebie Kashi cookie too! My little boy and I ate it together. He's my health nut. He really used to be a very picky eater and didn't want to eat much except steak...now, I find he really enjoys the food I eat...which is super cool!!! He even loves the PB2 I bought!
Catch ya later girl!! LISA
OMG Heather..
Are we the same person. I fight those demons everytime i go into the store.
The candy just calls to me and i can never eat just a little of it...it's always the whole bag. I've done good the past week. But it's always a challenge.
Planet Beach sounds like fun..and what a deal..
Hope you are having a wonderful weekend too and thanks for the email..
You did such a good job resisting those treats. That takes some major willpower---to actually be RIGHT IN FRONT OF all that candy, to have the power to reach out and grab it, but you have even stronger power to turn and walk away.
What did you get at Whole Foods? I love that place. I always look at those beautiful cupcakes with perfect flowers made out of icing on top. I would almost hate to eat something that pretty. Have you ever gotten the Better N Peanut Butter there? That stuff is amazing.
I am not sure that I believe that about once having an ED you always have an ED. I believe its all a state of mind and if you believe its there, then yes--it will always be there.
I am still amazing at Planet Beach. I am insanely jealous! I pay 78.88 for SunTan City and that is just for tanning beds and the spray on Versa Tan. That is an amazing luxury.
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