Friday, July 10, 2009

When to let go.

I find myself a hair-bit irritated today. I do not like drama, I do not like the he said, she said stuff, I do not keep alot of close friends because that's just how I am. I keep in touch with quite a few people via email, text, etc though sometimes that's even sparse. It's just part of me & a defense mechanism that was instilled when my brother died. You do funny things at the age of 10 to cope. Hello eating disorder.

Anyway, sometimes I feel that even though friendships can be made & bonds can become close, I also feel that sometimes friendships are not really meant to be. People come into your life for a season, that season passes & while it's not always easy to part ways, I know in my heart when that time comes.

So I get confused when I dont hear from "parted ways" for a long time then all the sudden the contacts pop up once again. I'm not trying to be hurtful & would NEVER EVER hurt anyone intentionally but sometimes it's just time to let go.

I've had my feelings hurt & probably hurt others without realizing I did it. I did reach out to an old friend recently after learning of a family struggle. I put on my big girl panties to let her know that I was thinking of her family. It was the right thing to do. We may or may not cross paths again but letting someone know you are praying for them in times like that is just important.

Now I'm faced with how to handle my current situation. Respond, let it go, etc? I really dont know how I'll handle it to be honest. Again, I dont want to hurt people & want people feeling like I've been someone I wasnt. That is not the case at all but I've been taught by a very wise woman who walks with Jesus now that sometimes just letting go is the best.

Gah, I wish I could ask her for advice now.

Sorry to be so heavy lately. I guess that's where my head is at the moment. But wait, it's MY blog ;) lol

Honestly though, life is good. I'm carrying on facing each day knowing that it really could be my last. Enjoying the friends & family that have been by my side for a very long time. And equally enjoying the new family that I will join come February!

My weekend is filled with lifelong friends, newer friends who've still been around for a long time, beer, wings & some UFC fights!

How would you handle the situation I described? AND what are you doing this weekend?

I suspect this could have folks wondering..OMG is it me? I suspect that the individuals this involves do NOT read this blog. So dont go getting all paranoid on me, K? lol


Lady Rois said...

The "gift of goodbye" - that time that comes when you need to separate yourself from someone because you're no longer in the same 'place', and the only way to reach the next level in your life is to part ways - is something that I'm starting to come to terms with.

It's never easy, but it's necessary as you've said. One of the reason's I'm not so fond of Facebook because it's opened me up to people that I've been happy to close the door on that chapter of my life.

But there's some that I'm finally learning to let go of - a good friend from a few years back that I fell out of touch with. I've tried to contact her, but she hasn't responded. It hurts, but I'm realizing that it's best now because I'm certainly not the same person I was when we were close, and I don't want to be that person again.

And I'm rambling, but thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one. :)

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” (C.S. Lewis)

Debbra said...

I have always felt that true friends don't come and go in your life. They are always there for you and you there for them. Sometimes they are just closer geographically and physically than other times, but always there. As a result true friends are VERY rare!

If your heart and your head both question what you should do, then you already know the answer. Sounds like you were given some solid advice about "letting go".

Weekend plans- time with my husband of 36 years and work in my flower garden.

You're right, Life is good!!!

Amanda said...

I agree with what Debbra said: "..true friends don't come and go in your life. They are always there for you and you there for them." I have two close friends besides Jeff. My BFF from kindergarten whom I still talk to despite her living in GA and my other BFF whom I met while at Mizzou. It's really crazy, my BFF from Mizzou is very similar to my BFF from when I was little.

Luckily Jeff is the same way. We'd much rather have a few very close friends than a bunch of acquaintances that we can't 100% depend on.

When I was at MU and had just entered the TAM dept. I met a girl who wasn't like the rest of the TAM girls (catty, gossipy, and dramatic--seriously, it was like high school) and I realized that despite how sweet and caring she was, she wasn't dependable. She spread herself too thin and tried to be close to everyone she knew.

When I could get together with her (usually when one of us had a crisis), she gave amazing support! But I realized toward the end of my time at MU, and especially once I moved home, that unless one of us had headline breaking news, we never talked. She's an awesome girl but I didn't want to be someone she made time for only when I had something important happening.

I totally understand your views on the O2 boards. I left because I never felt like I belonged or was "good enough", as childish as that sounds. I felt like I was always being judged and I couldn't tell who my real friends were. Wait, did you talk about O2 in a different post? Now I'm confused LOL

Anyways, I guess all I can tell you is to go with your heart. Throughout high school I let too many girls walk all over me because they were a fickle friend. And after the incident at MU I finally realized that it's too tiring trying to play catch up with people who don't have the time or care to really be a good friend.

This weekend: Tae Bo of course! :o) And just hanging out with Jeff on Saturday. He's dog-sitting a friend's dog at their house for a week and is staying there. We'll probably hang out there and play house (I miss us living together, alone, at MU) and hang out with the puppy dog. The exciting lives of 24 year olds LOL Have a great weekend!

Katy said...

I recently had to walk away from a 10+ year friendship when I began to realize that it was just not really a friendship when it got right down to it. She'd go through phases where she wanted to see me, then I wouldn't hear from her for several months, then it was my turn to be her best friend of the week again. Another close friend of mine (and hers) did the same. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she and I took a trip last September and I still haven't been paid back for the charges I put on my card, despite numerous promises from her. And she still has the audacity to 'check in' every few months to say hi. Ridiculous. And I'm equally guilty of being non-confrontational, which is stupid, because the only one who suffers is me.

I'm finally at the point where I feel like I can walk away and be truly happy and confident in my decision. I've made new friends recently, the wives of some of the people my fiance works with, and its so so nice to have people in my life who I truly feel will be there for me (I have VERY few close friends, I tend to be a loner by choice) no matter what and who also are in similar places in life and understand some of what I go through.

Just spending time with these new good friends makes me happy, something I can't always say those who were not good friends to me.

You're a mature, intelligent woman and if you feel in your heart that this is the right thing to do, then I really think it is. When someone asked if I spoke to another wife of another cop any longer the other day and I replied "No, I wasn't getting anything out of the friendship", they laughed. I tried to explain that its not that I expect something, but that I kept reaching out and she didn't do the same and would make me feel like I was bothering her just for saying hi (she has a whole host of her own issues going on). I'm at a point in my life where I want to be around good, positive people who bring me happiness and who I can trust, because I've not trusted many people in my life.

I recently reached out to someone I used to be very close with, and her response was only "wow, its been awhile" and then a few words about how awful her life is. I wrote back and told her what was going on in my life and then didn't hear from her again. It hurt a little, but now I'm realizing that I need to not go there.

I know that I find so much comfort in Jay, and I'm sure you find that in Kevin. Being loved unconditionally and knowing that someone always puts you first really means so much. I have him as my best friend and somedays thats all I need.

I will keep you in my thoughts and I pray that you come to a resolution that makes YOU happy.

My weekend? Jay is visiting me this weekend for a change, he's in NY @ a Mets game right now, he'll sleep here tonight, then tomorrow he's golfing with a mutual friend (who we met through) and thats about it. I'm winding down my thesis next week so much of my time is spent writing (as if you couldn't guess that from my FB statuses!)

Take care, XOXO

fitnessprincess said...

Go to the One to whom she turned and whom she trusted: Jesus, your true BFF. He will never disappoint you. He will never mislead you. He will listen. He will never judge. He is always by your side and will never forsake you.